3.17.2007

#59 - My poor feet

Before I tell you about reason #59 why I hate being fat, I need to share a little victory. I've been schlepping around town in these jeans that are very, very big on me, clearly a sign that I'm losing weight. I've been trying to make them last. You know, I don't want to spend tons of money on new clothes, so I try to make the old ones last as long as possible. Anyway, I went to Avenue yesterday for some new duds. I must tell you I was totally elated when I slipped on a pair of size 22's...and they fit. This was such a victory because the last pair of jeans I bought were 26's. I couldn't believe it. I actually skipped a size. Yipee!!! It's victories like these that make the whole weight loss process bearable. On a side note, while my waistline has been whittling down, my weight doesn't want to budge. I guess the scale sometimes lies! I'll take a smaller size any day over a few pounds lost on the scale!

OK, so onto reason #59 - my poor feet. As a large gal, I carry around a huge amount of excess weight, at my highest weight like 140 pounds extra! Imagine carrying around a 140 pound backpack - ugh! All this weight pounds down on my poor feet with every step I take. This leads to tired, sore, calloused feet. My poor aching dogs! When I was a skinny young thing I never worried about calloused feet. I had beautiful, soft, lovely feet. Now I'm embarrassed to run around barefoot in front of people. I try desperately hard to keep up with the callous production by giving myself little home pedicures. But at my highest weight, home pedicures were a challenge, having to reach down to my feet, my big belly in the way. So the callouses built up and made my feet look like an awful mess. I was utterly embarrassed when I had an appointment with my neurologist who asked me to remove my shoes and socks. I hadn't expected to be showing my feet to my neurologist. At least I didn't think my brain was in my feet. But a part of a full neuro exam including poking and prodding pretty much every corner of my body, feet included. So I slipped off my socks and the doctor ran a probe over my feet to check my reflexes. I sat there thinking that my feet must look awful, I hadn't put on any lotion and my callouses had been especially bad at that time. To my horror, the doctor looks up at me and says that a women of my size needs to take extra care of their feet because callouses can become cracks, which can then become infected, which in a diabetic might be hard to heal. I was mortified. I know he was just concerned, but God, why did he make me take off my socks? I knew my feet were awful. I really didn't need reminding. I had seen my neurologist at my highest weight, when I having a bit of trouble with foot care, so my feet were definitely at their worst. From that day on, I swore I would take better care of my poor feet.

One option for foot pampering is a professional pedicure. Though not cheap, it is a nice indulgence. Being a fat chick, I shied away from salons in the past. I've touched on my thoughts on salons before. The thought of someone looking at my fat feet is embarrassing. Not only are my feet chubby, I have gross calloused heels. I had my first pedicure in preparation for my friend's wedding (see Fat Bridesmaid). I was hesitant, but as I slipped my feet into the divine bubbling water, my fears slipped away. The pedicure was wonderful, and I ended up loving every minute of it. I wish I had the cash to get one every week! The only time I was self-conscious was when the technicians, who were working on all the wedding party, turned to each other and started chatting away. As the little Asian woman scrubbed away at my callouses with some serious muscle, she turned to her co-worker and commented and laughed in Vietnamese (I think). What on Earth did she say? "Oh my, look at this fat one's feet. Eewww." Of course, this is what I envisioned she had said, but I guess I'll never know. Maybe she was just chatting to pass the time, telling her friend about her date last night or something. I don't know. But my insecurity was sure she was making fun of me. Realistically these pedicure technicians must see the worst of everyone's feet. Imagine all the old grannies with yellowed toenails, crusty skin, and unknown fungi. Yuck! That must be much worse for them. My feet were probably a pleasant change. In fact, I was so self-conscious about the pedicure, that I actually did a home pedi the night before my real pedi. Silly, isn't it? So I'm sure my feet looked pretty nice, and I'm pretty sure the technician wasn't even talking about me. Who knows?

Now that I've lost a bit of weight (about 30 pounds), I can do my own pedicures at home. My pesky belly isn't such a problem anymore (another non-scale victory I guess). I've managed to keep the callouses to a minimum and pamper my feet with all kinds of fancy lotions everyday. I'm sure they thank me for the TLC after the hard day I've put them through, lugging my body around. I really would love to get down to a weight again where foot care isn't such a big issue, where a pedicure is a luxury not a necessity, and where callouses come from new shoes and not a fat body. Another reason I hate being fat!

On a side note... OMG, you must watch this video about nail salons - totally hilarious!

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

lol, I'm glad you posted this skit. It is so funny! I could watch it over and over again and still laugh.

Megan said...

Congrats on your progress & especially the NSV! I have been trying really hard to focus on my non-scale goals, instead of the number on the scale, but it's hard to do that, isn't it?!!

FAT BRIDESMAID said...

Woohoo for new jeans! I did the same thing (skipped from 26 to 22) and it was the best feeling in the world! Now just imagine what it'll be like when you slip another size! Ahhhh I can't wait!

I once went to get my nails done (a rare treat) and the little Asian technician turned to me and said "You have really fat fingers... they like sausages." He wasn't wrong but I gave him a lousy tip anyways. Jerk.

Katherine said...

I have a friend who is quite tall for a girl, has long blonde hair, and has always struggled with her weight. When she went to Taiwan to teach english for a year, she told me that the same thing would happen to her again and again. Taiwanese people would stop in the street, point and laugh at her, and ask her, why are you so fat? Can you imagine! I would have smacked people!
Well done on your non scale victory - I always love fitting into the right size jeans - such a good feeling!

gustavclarkston said...

What we focus on and worry about when we're fat and when we're thin are so very different aren't they? We tend to focus our negative self judgments on other things when we've lost the weight, like our skin or our hair. What we need to work on is the language we use with ourselves, fat or thin.

As far as what the chick said as she gave you the pedi, it doesn't matter. She has just as many insecurities about her eye shape or dark hair and not fitting the American dream of blonde hair and blue eyes, and probably feels just as conspicuous. When we think lowly of ourselves, it's easier to laugh and judge others because it gets our minds off of our own pain. She may even envy you in some ways. It's fascinating when we learn what goes on beyond the surface of others and it helps us sympathize with them more.

Great post and chin up! Your feet may be rough but they get you around just fine and those little babies are going to help you walk away that weight, they are precious little gifts and no one can tell you differently!

Megan said...

My grandma was buying a ring for me & the saleswoman told me that I had "think fingers". I was SO embarrassed!

Melody said...

the video was Funny.. a nice way to start off my Monday morning. Great post..

jodi said...

congrats on the size 22s, what a great feeling that must have been! keep up the great work! :o)

i've given myself pedicures since i can remember because i'm so picky about details and am never satisfied when someone else does it... and you should not be embarassed - i've had FOUR surgeries on my right foot and my toes are scarred to pieces... everything still functions and for that, i am so thankful... :o)

happy monday...

Kristen said...

Congrats on the new jeans several sizes smaller. That is a huge victory!

I had to laugh at your pedicure story. I have ugly feet...I have always been self conscious of them, but having a pedicure actually makes them a little bit pretty. I figure, they have probably seen uglier feet than mine (or at least I'd hope!)

danaminus80 said...

:) Hi there! Someone on 3fatchicks.com recommended your blog and I could't stop laughing at that skit. I can really relate to these posts (especially the fat bridesmaid one, that was a semi-recent ouchie!) and just wanted to thank you for sharing your experiences, you're definitely not alone.

~Dana, a fellow CT girl

gustavclarkston said...

Is that your daughter in that pic? This is VERY strange but go to kimkins.com and check out the success stories and look at Christen's picture holding her daughter. Your daughters look like TWINS!!!

Christen's story ain't too shabby either....

The similarity is spooky!

karaokekitty said...

gustavclarkson - LOL! That's me in the photo at about 3 years old - a time when I was truly a happy little girl, never thinking about weight. I so want to be that little girl again! But honestly, I still look pretty much like the picture, just fatter, lol. Saw Christen's story - amazing!

Anonymous said...

I can relate! When I was at my heaviest, my feet hurt like hell and no shoes were comfortable. Losing even 10-20 pounds helped a lot with that.

Anonymous said...

So it is wrong to make fun of someone for their weight, but perfectly okay to make fun of someone's accent? Nice.

karaokekitty said...

Hey anonymous, did I ever make fun of accents in this post? I don't think so. Maybe the comedian said something in her clip, but I know I didn't. Many of my closest friends are Asian, and I wouldn't make fun of their accents. Where did you get the impression I was making fun of accents from this post? Way to hide behind the anonymous profile btw. Have some balls and use your screen name.

Linda Meacham said...

That video was hilarious! Completely what's its like too!