I am always amazed watching normal/thin people say 'No' to food. You know what I mean. 'Would like a slice of pie?', 'No, thank you.' Huh? If someone ever offered me a piece of pie, I would most graciously say 'yes'. :) Could I even turn down a slice of pie, ever? Even at Thanksgiving, when we are full to the limit with turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy and stuffing and all the yummy trimmings, there always somehow seems to be room for pie. I don't know where I picked up this inability to say 'no' to foods offered to me. Am I just being gracious? Am I truly hungry? Do I just want that high I get from carbs? Or is it just that I'm cheap and can't refuse a free offer? Who knows. It's probably some combination of the above. But it's true, I don't seem to have the word 'no' in my foodie vocabulary.
I notice that my normal-sized boyfriend always turns down my offers of food. 'Do you want a cookie?', 'No, thanks', 'Do you want some cake?', 'Nope, I'm good', 'Would you like some dinner?', 'Nah, not hungry'. How does he do it? Is he truly not hungry? Or does he possess some superpower I am unaware of? Ask me any of those above questions and I guarantee my answer will be 'yes'. Granted, I know my boyfriend isn't that much into sweets (I know, the horror!), so I get that it's easy for him to turn down my goodie offers. But still. I could ask him, 'Honey, want some steak?' (cause most men go weak at the knees for grilled beef products) And many times he'll still say 'no'.
What I wonder though, is do people like that consciously say 'no' as a choice? Like sure they would REALLY like some pie, but realize it's not good for them and refuse the offer? Or do they truly not have the same urges and cravings? I wonder. I've asked my boyfriend about this, and his answer usually is 'nope, I just don't want it'... Don't want pie??? Crazy talk. Everyone wants pie... don't they? Is there some innate switch inside normal/thin people that turns off that automatic 'yes' answer? Is our switch broken? Are we (the chubby ones) stuck in the 'on' position, and forced (ok I know not FORCED, but ya know) to say 'yes'? I mean I honestly can't remember the last time I turned down an offer of food. Probably the only time was when I had the stomach flu and couldn't keep anything down. Even then, I still managed to eat some soup and crackers when it was offered to me.
I keep thinking I have to work on exercising my right to say 'no' to sweets. I know they are not good for me. I know they don't add any essential nutrients to my daily diet. I know they make me fat. But despite all this knowing... I still say 'yes'. Maybe from being fat so long and saying 'yes' to all the crap over the years, I've just gotten out of practice in saying' no'. I think just like anything in life, it takes practice. By no means do I expect to always say 'no' to my favorite baked goods, but I think I can start consciously throwing in a 'no' here and there. I always say it's the little things we can do to help ourselves that add up. Just saying 'no' to a piece of pie 3 times a week, for example, adds up to 18 pounds in a year in excess calories! I'm going to do my little part today. I made a fresh batch of brownies yesterday, but I think today I will say 'no'. I can wrap them up and put them in the freezer where they can wait for me another day. I can say 'no'!
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I think that to some people- "Do you want a piece of pie?" translates to - "Are you hungry?", but for the rest of us it means, "Do you like pie?", our impulse being to eat everything we like!
Pie is honestly my kryptonite. Any kind of pie, too. I don't know that I could ever say "no" to pie.
I have, however, gotten better at saying "no" to other food offers. It's taken some time, and it's always a conscious decision - never automatic - but I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.
Incidentally, my husband doesn't like sweets either. What's up with that?
Anonymous said exactly what I was going to say...it's a battle between eating for hunger versus eating for pleasure.
I had to make myself a deal that whenever someone asks if I want dessert, I just automatically say no. No thinking it over, no regrets...just no.
So far it's working...mostly. ;)
I have learned to say no even when I would LOVE that piece of cheesecake (my downfall), or ice cream, or second helping. Is it pleasant? No. Nor does it make me feel all proud and self-righteous. However, I know that saying no has helped me stop gaining weight and has helped me start losing. Yeah, I'm often still a bit hungry and I COULD make room for just a little piece but damn I hate being fat. Good luck to you in your 'no' practice.
Barb
It is good to see you post. Your blog was one of the first ones I linked to.
For me, I just love to eat. I love the taste of certain food. Including pie.
Some folks seem to see eating as just a function. I have to admit, during busy times when preparing dinner is hard and speed matters I do better.
In that case dinner is just a function to get through. No favorite foods etc.
I keep telling myself that skinny people stay that way because they say no frequently. I just need to catch up. Hang in there.
I don't know if it's about saying no or being able to actually think about "am I hungry" or just eating to eat. I think most of the time I'm just eating to eat. When things are offered though I tend to say yes. I think it's because I didn't want to be the fat person looking like I'm on a diet.
I also have a hard time saying no. Food is exciting! HOw cab people not want to atleast try something?! I had to realize that nothing feels more better than getting on the scale and seeing a positive difference. Thats what lets me say NO!
Is it horrible that I'm happy when someone offers me something I don't like? It's so easy to say no when it's APPLE pie... lemon... well I'd NEVER say no to that.
I think Anonymous is right! "NORMAL" people don't eat when they aren't hungry. I hear it as, "do you want a piece of pie because you will MISS this special time if you don't eat it NOW!" :)
Others have said this (Hilly shared.) There are some food, even sweets that I'll happily turn down.
I tend to do the "am I really hungry?" -- if I can't honestly answer that I am, then I have to skip it. We just eat to eat...
I have a skinny friend and she is the kind of person who talks about food all the time. She talks about how hungry she is and how ready she is to eat dinner, lunch or what ever, but when its time to actually eat - she just picks at her food and does not eat much. From the way she talks about food and eating you would think she is going to gorge herself but she never does. Now if i talked about food like that you can bet i would be eating ALL of it.
I guess she is also one of those people who can just say no. I too need to work on that ability.
Anonymous said it perfectly, that's myself and my husband. I can't seem to say no to stuff like cookies and bread. He says no all the time and he'll stop eating when he's full. It amazes me, I would love to switch brains with him when it comes to food.
Sometimes this phenomenon can relate to food practices growing up as well. If food was scarce growing up, a person would learn to say "yes" to anything that comes their way. Could it be about re-programming internally?
Usually when people ask me if I want some kind of dessert my response to them is, "Why wouldn't I want ________ ?"
I am still not cured by any means but I've tried to be more picky about the sweets that I eat. I love ice cream but I won't eat the generic or fat-free crap, it's gotta be Ben and Jerry's or Haagendaz for me. It has to be "worth" the calories. In the end I am sure that this just means that I am spending more money and more calories on sweets but oh well!
Laurie
We spoke about this exact topic at a WW meeting a few weeks ago. The common trait between all of us members is that we're YES people. We're not just "Yes people" when it comes to food, but yes to everything in general. We have a hard time saying no to anyone/anything.
I'm trying to hard to get myself to the point where I say no to food, not just because I'm trying to stay on track but because I sincerely don't want any!
Wow, this post really hit home to me. I am definitely a "YES" person, but once I started being serious about working out and eating right last January, I gradually tried to become a "NO" person. I practice "WWSD", or "What Would Skinnies Do?" philosophy. I watch the Skinnies at work, what they eat, how much they eat, and when they say no. Kind of creepy, I guess, but it's working so far. There are certain situations in a normal week where I know I will have to say "NO" -- office candy dishes, chocolate at staff meetings, daily dessert bar at lunch. This frees me up to say "YES" about once a week when something unexpected and really worth it comes along. I do believe that many Skinnies are different than me, that they are not refusing pie but secretly dying to eat it like I am. And maybe one day I can be as casual as they are!
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Great post! I just found your blog recently and haven't read back through all 10_ reasons, but I completely identify with everything I've read so far! I'm in the process of becoming a 'no' person as well and I actually had a HUGE 'no' moment this week when my SIL ask if I wanted to get Mexican with her. I ALWAYS overeat at Mexican resturants and wasn't ready to test myself there so I said no, but suggested something else and we went out and had a nice time.
It is important to say no when the need arises.A healthy body is the secret to a great life so a little bit of restriction is always easy.
I don't like pie, so would have to be VERY hungry (as in ready to chew my shoelaces in case there were calories there hungry) to have some, even for free. Other things I'm not so picky about, especially if they're free. I no longer like to eat if I'm not hungry (unless I've had a drink or two), and seem to have lost my sweet tooth. That means I'll have no problem maintaining, hopefully? I guess once upon a time I used to eat just because food was there, I lose a lot more weight now that I don't.
I've learned to eat cheats in moderation. Yes, I would like a slice of pie but a small one, please. I get my craving but at the same time am saving myself from feeling guilty. One of the first changes I made when I started losing weight was using a smaller plate whenever I ate. This made a HUGE differenct!
Saying "no" is definately not easy. I say yes sometimes to be polite. My grandmother always feels the need to offer food when I visit. How can you say no to Grammy??? But on a more serious note though saying no takes an effort and it means exercising some self control too. But what could be done is before you head out the door every day, decide what your meals for the day look like. Is there room for something else ? If so is that an extra fruit or a piece of cake? Decide ahead of time just what your intake has room for. If there's no room then just make up your mind that anything I'm offered today - have to say no to. And remeber tomorrow is another day. You can have it,whatever it is another time. Right now our yes is to a healthier life and no to obesity,hypertension, diabetes etc!!
Great job for saying no to those brownies. I know for me when I am offered dessert, I ask myself if I really need it and if I am really hungry. If so, then I enjoy it.
Perhaps you might like to visit www.normaleating.com - it might come useful anyway, when you have lost all the weight you want to disappear.
It is about intuitive eating and learning how to say No and mean it.
I have tested their method and they really work. I no longer have cravings for "forbidden" foods and practically never overeat - it comes easy and naturally, without the effort and whiteknuckling.
I just stumbled across your blog from another, and I'm hooked! I'm sure over the next day or so, I will go back through your archives and read every single post. yeah, I have a little too much time on my hands, huh? In all fairness, I'm a teacher on summer break, so I guess it's ok ;-)
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If you aren't truly hungry, it means your body isn't capable of digesting what you're about to eat = fat storage, 100% of the time.
Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're slightly less than full (i.e. once you feel pressure on your stomach). Learn to read your bodies signals, this is the first step to controlling your eating habits.
LOL I can definitely feel you on this post. Sometimes even when I say yes to being offered something I really DON'T want it, but I don't want to offend the person by saying no......after all they were so nice to make it and bring it in to share right? So there it goes,sitting in my face and I eventually eat it!
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I know the feeling. I created my own weight loss system that helped me get rid of these cravings and I lost 11 pounds in 2 weeks. It's called My Skinny Plan and you can read more on www.myskinnyplan.com
It's the only thing that has ever worked for me.
I totally understand this frustration. I used to listen to thin girls say "no thank you" to birthday cake or whatever was at the church potlucks and just think they had some nerve. But now I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it's a habit. I'm on some medication that makes me shudder at the sight of food, and after 3 months, it's become more of a habit. Also, I started just eating dessert 1x week, but i had to wean myself off it. Like skip it for 1 day, then the next week go with out it 2 days, then next week 3 days, etc. It was hard the first couple weeks, now I just find sweet things that aren't technically dessert like hot chocolate w/skim milk, or strawberries with a bit of sugar & milk (hey, it's better than a bowl of black beans or something!) :)
I feel your pain. My husband is a beanpole, but he scarfs down junkfood and Cokes and chocolate and never gains an ounce. Sometimes I think I gain weight just by sitting near him when he eats, without eating a morsel myself! Not that I'm bitter.
Hang in there! We're all in this together! :)
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I have been there - I could have written that myself. There was a day when I couldn't turn down food and I couldn't help but eat everything. I didn't think there was ever a way out. I don't think the switch is broken. It's just stuck for right now. But it'll move.
interesting post!
When I say no to food, it's because:
1) I'm really full, or
2) I just don't like the food being offered. Yes, even cake, cookies, chocolate and candies. I'm a moody eater (i dunno how else to describe it) and can only eat something when I have a craving for it.
So maybe it's probably just a personality thing? I dunno....
say no to fatty food
Ok I am gonna be very honest as a "normalish" sized person( size 12).... I aways say no to sweets, I am offered by people, you know at parties or out to dinner with friends. But it is becuz I love sweets and when I eat them I eat them alone, the exact kind I want and as much as I want....Somehow it is easy to say no... thinking..." I really want chocolate pie and the whole pie!" I enjoy it more alone...then I do not tend to follow thru, the temptation has passed!!
as someone you would probably consider thin, but also someone who has lost 20lbs, ill tell you sure there are the people that eat what they want when they want it and stop as soon as theyre full even if that means leaving half a piece of fabulous cake on their plate and i believe some of those peopl can just say no and just dont want it and if they did they would eat it. But then there are people like me, i always want sweets whether im full or not and i always want an extra piece of garlic bread or what not but ive had to learn that for most people you always like the cake or bread and ya you want it but at a certain point i learned you just say no or you have a few bites and stop and ya i want more but i know better and in an hour i wont care that i didnt have the cake. its not natural its learned!
the people who say "no" to an offer of sweets are the people who think ahead more than 5 minutes. I'm type 1 diabetic, so i generally decline any offer of pie, cookies, cake, brownies, candy, etc because i think ahead to the consequences of that indulgence. granted, my consequences are more immediate than yours, but the concept remains the same. I'm scrawny as hell (6'2", 140 lbs) and i'm constantly given a hard time for drinking diet soda and refusing to eat birthday cake at the office.
i've gotten in the habit of saying "no" to every offer. just keep saying to yourself, "if i eat this, it could kill me" and you'll be able to turn it down. the occasional indulgence is OK, just be sensible about it.
I say no to pie because I discern what I do and don't want to ingest. I don't want to be fat, so I don't eat fattening food. Simple as that. I would rather look good and not eat pies, cakes, cookies, etc. than look bad and get to eat whatever I want. It's a personal choice. As my friend always said, "A moment on your lips, forever on your hips." It's all about self-discipline.
I know exactly what you mean by this, and I have felt the exact same way. Always happy to eat something else, especially sweet!
I tried hypnotism and it worked wonders for me! Stopped cravings and made me more aware of the fact that I'm not hungry - just bored. Now with a whole plate of brownies sitting in the fridge, I can stop at one a day - as opposed to eating them until they are gone.
I think that many of us have been indoctrined to always say yes and thankyou to an offer of food. I know this is the case for many, many cultures.
Best to try and retrain yourself to think: do I really "want" it. If you're not hungry then you shouldn't really want it.
I'm one of those "no" people. I always fill up on the dinner and I'm never hungry enough to eat dessert. When it is offered, I legitamately don't want it. I know in my head that it would taste good when I was eating it, but I just don't have the urge to eat it. If it was just served to me, I might take a bite or two, but I usually just leave it sit in front of me.
I can't say no to food also. It's hard.
Maybe it's kind of like a broken switch, indeed; on the other hand, it can be repaired, though I'm not sure how exactly. Turning down food happens to me regularly now, and, more important, as an automatic action (I don't have to pause and think "do I really want it or not", I mean). I don't know how it happened, perhaps it came only after years of indeed wondering what I really want? Especially if I'm busy doing something like reading, drawing, etc, I just say "no" in a reflex (I suppose it's because I don't want anything to break my groove, food included).
The other day, I was at McD's (yeah, I know) with friends, and once we were done eating, one of them said "I'm sure we could still do with some crumble; don't you want some?" I honestly couldn't find any interest in having crumble. That would never have happened five or six years ago. It's weird.
Hi, I've just found your blog, and this is the first post I've read, and I completely identify with it. The worst thing is that often, I'll now say no the first time, or go out to eat all fired up to eat light, like soup, but I fall at the first sign of trouble, or repeated offers. It's like, I've lot a little resistance now, but god help me if it's tested. Maybe it gets better with time, and the decisions we have to make so concsiously now ("am I REALLY hungry? Do I really NEED the pie?) just become second nature if we keep at it for long enough? I hope so!
The reason you can't say no is because your body is telling you your starving. Your natural setpoint is higher than so called "normal weight" people. It's not fair, doggone it. Someone better come up with a cure quick!
If I am actually hungry and am offered something I like, I usually accept. I am about 18.5 BMI (pretty much my whole adult life). I HATE, however, feeling too full. It is as unpleasant to me as a headache or toothache, so overeating just doesn't happen That's probably why I can eat the occasional cheese plate, chips, or whatever. I don't have any discipline, just an aversion to being overfull. (I'm a woman who dislikes sweets, too.)
"...Is there some innate switch inside normal/thin people that turns off that automatic 'yes' answer? Is our switch broken? Are we (the chubby ones) stuck in the 'on' position..."
Yes, Yes, Yes.
In other words, we are addicted, just as much as someone is to cigarettes, cocaine etc.
We became addicted slowly, but surely, as we ate more and more.
Now, we are forced to deal with it just as other addicts.
The bad news is that we need to eat. We can not stop cold turkey like some smokers.
The good news is that we, food addicts, can wean off of the feelings that we get.
Slim Inducers
1. Exercise - especially aerobic. Walk, bike, swim. Keep moving. The more, the better. Change jobs to one with movement.
2. Get plenty of sleep.
3. Balanced diet - includes fats because your body craves them. If you dont feed yourself some fats, you will eat too many carbs. Stay away from white flour, white sugar, corn syrup, and the like. You don't need to eat heaps of lettuse and celery. Balanced is better.
4. Eat aware - be sensitive while you eat. Pay attention to how you feel before you eat, while, and after. Check yourself after each bite. Ask "am I still hungry"? If so, eat. If not, stop.
5. Don't clean plate, don't take extra helpings.
6. Eat slowly - it takes 15 - 20 minutes for your food to satisfy your "urge to eat".
7. Recognize the difference between hunger and the "urge to eat". Most of us eat long after our hunger has been satiated.
But a lot of this has been covered in your great blog! Keep up the good blog work!
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There is no doubt that diet plays a key role in your weight loss plan. So it’s become necessary to avoid temptation in your way to weight loss. If you know you'll over eat in specific situations avoid them. Do whatever it takes to maintain the entertainment and try to stay away from temptations.
I can really relate to this. My inability to say no usually hits at night. I do great during the day and then the urge to eat comes when it's the least welcome. Sometimes it takes everything I can muster to say no, but you just have to no matter how bad it hurts. Great post!
Hi! I was over at Johnnie's blog at operationbodyrestoration and I found your link. I LOVED the title of your blog so I had to come see what you were saying. You crack me up...and yet you're so RIGHT! I have lived a huge majority of my life overweight but have recently done a program called P90X where I lost weight and am now only 10 pounds away from my goal weight. You obviously have a huge following--wow 51 comments! You are inspiring people! Keep up the great work!
I devote my life to help people get off and stay off of addicting sweets. Have solace in knowing it can happen for you too!:)
Great tips here...regulation and balance in doet is ethe key really.
You know, when you finally reach your major goal and decide that you're at the perfect weight...I think it would be absolutely marvelous to have these blog entries published in a book. You are one of my favorite writers.
I have just stumbled onto your blog and am finding it very inspiring (as are the reader tips)
Keep up the hard work. It is further inspiring me
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http://theweightlossdebutante.blogspot.com/
Hi
I completely empathise and understand the predicament with saying 'NO' I rarely have the strength to refuse food, even if I am not hungry.
I am working on it though.
I am also on a weight loss mission, 2x a bridesmaid next year! Wedding photo's, uughhhh.
Check out my blog
http://stephanie-justme.blogspot.com/
Steph
x
Come back! We miss you!
It is a matter of self-control. Even though the food looks so inviting, a person who is determined to lose weight can fight the temptation. But in my case, when I joined EFT training, I can easily overcome my cravings.
I also doesn't have the ability to say 'No'.. Even if I am already full but every time I see one of my favorite food I can't resist but to eat it. Argh.. and it will be too late for me to recognize that I am on a diet...
Perhaps we weigh slightly more because we are polite? Perhaps skinny people are evil and rude and it's why they say "no" more? Haha -K.T. http://krystros.blogspot.com/
This is all very Nancy Reagan, but I love it. I'm so glad to see that other people feel this way too, it's something I've struggled with for a while.
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Im glad to see there are other people out there who feel like me. I also have a problem saying no and I have to think twice about every bite I take. The problem with being fat!
I have the exact same problem. I eat to get full and then if there is food on my plate.... I just can't say no!
Cabbage Soup Diet
Can you please try fish oil 5 grams to 10 grams a day on top of whatever diet you have? Can you tell me if it reduces your hunger and also reduces your fat?
Just the other day, I said to myself "I'm tired of being The Fat Girl". I looked at my life and all the delicious things that I eat and I had to make a decision. Do I value that extra nibble more than my happiness? I have a hard time saying no. But the more I do it, the easier it becomes. What started out as "No, I really shouldn't" has become "No, I really don't". Just be sure to praise yourself everytime you stay strong.
ts not fattness that makes you always say yes to sweets, its being female. I used to be really fat (but extreme determination and going vegetarian helped me lose all my weight, and I'm now comfortable in the middle of "healthy" weight) but no matter how skinny I get, I still want to say "YESSSS I WANT THAT BROWNIE!!!!!!". Guys, they're weird. Wanna cookie? "no." Pizza? Cupcake? Chocolate? "no, no no." Even still, at 120 lbs, it takes PHYSICAL effort to say "um, no thanks, I don't need that chunk of fatty goodness. I'll stick to my carrot *sigh*". It gets a bit easier with practice, but it's still tough.
Instead of saying "no" turn it into a "yes" and learn to like the health but still good-tasting food. It will change your mind-set and really help.
I was never a total "yes" person, but I've become more of a "no" person over the years. I love pie (cake, chocolate, cookies, etc.) but I've taught myself that the first few bites always taste best, so a big piece won't really be any more satisfying than a little one. After I'm halfway through, I'm mostly just eating it rotely, anyway, and I'm not really paying attention to whether I'm enjoying it or not. And I don't eat it if I'm not really hungry enough to enjoy it.
I keep Hershey's Kisses in my office as a dessert. A serving, according to the package, is nine Kisses. I usually eat two or three. Two or three feels special. After that, they no longer feel special because there are so many of them, so there's not really any point in eating all nine.
I've also stopped thinking of fruit and vegetables as opposites of sweets. I love brownies, but I would also be perfectly happy to eat myself sick on grapes, watermelon, blueberries, fresh pineapple, etc., and not feel deprived. They're delicious. I'm eternally grateful that I wasn't raised with an adversarial relationship with fruit and vegetables and can still consider them "treats" on par with ice cream.
There is obviously a lot to know about this. I think you made some good points in Features also.But I don't think saying no is always good you can avoid tasty food all the time.:)Acai berry
Here's a tip: practice being a food snob.
I LOVE food! and was never able to say no to any food ever. I learned how to be a good baker and am now able to make some absolutely HEAVENLY CAKE. After eating those, grocery store cakes are just not that appealing when people offer me a slice. Whenever I'm in a can't-say-no situation, I imagine a better version of whatever they are offering me and think "if I refuse now, I totally have an excuse to go home, make and eat a much tastier version of this!" (even if my cooking ability might not be up to par). OR, when people offer me a dessert, I imagine the taste of the best version of my favorite dessert, and how I'd much rather eating that than what's being offered, and it's a bit easier to say "no thanks".
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This is so well-writed!! And smart!! I found your blog today and I'm really enjoying it :D
Greetings from fit-wannabes from Chile.
I notice that my normal-sized boyfriend always turns down my offers of food. 'Do you want a cookie?', 'No, kamagra thanks', 'Do you want some cake?', 'Nope, I'm good', 'Would you like some dinner?', 'Nah, not hungry'. How does he do it? Is he truly not hungry?
Or do they truly not have the same urges and cravings? I wonder. I've asked my boyfriend about this, and his answer usually celulares desbloqueados is 'nope, I just don't want it
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