#96 - Going to concerts...

One thing I really hate about being fat is that I simply take up too much space. While everyone around me seems to fit into a nice little package, I'm sitting there like a giant blob. Every time I've gone to a concert or some kind of stadium event I feel totally cramped into my little seat. Clearly seating in these places was designed for the average 160 person. I feel bad about it. I feel bad that my girth hangs over to neighboring seats. I feel like I encroach on my neighbors personal space. So every time I go to a concert or anything I always get an aisle seat, that way I can lean a bit to the side to accommodate my seat mate. Being fat can be so embarrassing. Haven't you ever got on a plane or gone to a concert and seen the look on the persons face sitting next to you? As you walk down the aisle you can see them thinking, "Don't sit by me, don't sit by me..." And then the little frown as you plop down next to them. Embarrassing. I hate that I have to plan ahead just because I'm fat. I've even turned down free tickets to a concert because I knew they weren't aisle seats. Isn't that crazy? Free tickets! But no... too embarrassed to squeeze into the spot. Of course I've done it, that's why I know it's awful. You sit in the middle of the row, futility squeezing your arms together, attempting to take up less space. You can manage to do it, but most of the concert is spent in total discomfort, and by the end of the concert you are totally sore from all the contorting you have done trying to make your body smaller. How sad! I hate being fat!

My quest for a smaller body is chugging along. I'm still losing weight, albeit slowly (which is GOOD!). This time around I'm not racing to lose the weight, cause clearly that has never worked for me in the past. I can lose weight pretty easy, but I'm terrible at keeping it off. I always seem to gain back any weight I've lost plus 10 pounds. Doing this over and over and over again shot me all the way up to 315 pounds at one point. My goals now are very, very small. Eat better, try to move more, and see if I can manage to lose 0.5-1 pound per week (2-4 pound/month). That probably sounds super slow to some of you, but every doctor I've talked to is wicked happy with that slow progress. All the research I've read indicates that the slowest weight loss is the easiest to maintain. Why is that? One reason is the body's set point. Your body gets used to being a certain weight. Say you're 225 pounds. You diet and fast and lose 25 pounds in a couple weeks. Your brain still thinks you should weigh 225 pounds. So basically it's fighting against you, trying desperately to get you back to 225 pounds. It's thinks you're starving. So your weight loss slows, your appetite increases, and low and behold, you gain the weight back within months. There are various technical/medical reasons behind this. I won't get into all of it, but one thing that happens is your body makes a certain amount of insulin based on how much you eat. Insulin is the chemical that breaks down the sugars you eat. So your body is plodding along make a ton of insulin every day since you eat a lot. Then one day you stop eating (or start eating very little). You have less sugar in your bloodstream, but still have the same amount of insulin, too much insulin. What happens? Your blood sugar ends up dropping too low, and you feel hungry, cranky, irritable, and miserable. Don't you love dieting? Over time, your body will start making less insulin, but this is a slow process. Alternatively, if you lose the weight very slowly, you can trick your body. The body adapts VERY slowly to weight fluctuations. Eating a little less over time can help you get through this adaptation phase. This is just one example. Metabolism is pretty complex, but needless to say, it takes slow weight loss for the body to get used to the idea of being smaller. Crash diet and your body will think you are starving and do what ever it can to get you back up to that higher set point weight. So slow down! It's not a race! Eventually, overtime, you can whittle your body down to the point where you'll take up less space. Maybe even to the point where you can comfortably sit in the middle of the row at a concert once again!