So I was shopping the other day, hoping to find some cute outfits to take with me on vacation. I was in a great mood, feeling happy, excited about my upcoming trip. I took a few cute tops with me into the dressing room and started to get undressed when I noticed I was completely surrounded by mirrors. I'm used to looking at myself from the front, you know, the full length mirror shot. I'm pretty comfortable looking at myself this way. I know my flaws from this angle and I've come to accept them. I've even peered at my butt a few times, craning my neck around to catch a glimpse in the mirror. So yeah... I thought I knew what I looked like. But noooo... It was much worse than I thought. This dressing room I went into had mirrors everywhere! There was a mirror on the door, there was a mirror on the back wall, there were two mirrors at angles next to the back wall mirror, basically giving me a 360 view of me. I thought I had seen it all. I was wrong! I was getting undressed and caught sight of myself in one of the angled mirrors behind me and was utterly appalled! I thought I was losing weight, but these mirrors made me look like I had been gaining weight! Were my shoulders really that broad? Did I really have that much back fat? My goodness, is that my butt? I was just shocked. OK I have to admit, NO ONE likes dressing room mirrors. You have that oh so flattering fluorescent lighting that leaves nothing to the imagination to contend with, basically amplifying every single flaw times ten. Needless to say, I tried on the tops and fled as fast as I could from the dressing room, my head hanging very very low. That day I felt like I was back at square one, like I hadn't lost any weight, hadn't accomplished anything. Because I was feeling like, omg I've worked SO hard and THIS is what I have to show for it??? I was at a plus sized shop not that long ago and tried on some clothes there and had a wonderful experience in their dressing rooms. Maybe they had finally figured it out, dim lighting, one full frontal mirror, not so cramped dressing room. And pretty much everything I tried on there made me look great. But no, this was definitely not the experience I had the other day. Completely the opposite. Everything I tried on looked like crap, my skin looked pale and drawn, I had the biggest bubble-butt I never remembered having, and the dressing room was small and tight and made me feel gargantuan. I absolutely hate that about being fat!
So I FINALLY got off this dreaded plateau I've been on for the past month or so. A little pre-thesis defense stress did the trick to help me lose a few. So now I'm down 62 pounds!! Yaaaaay!! I had my thesis defense last Friday and it went great! All my hard work is finally paying off. Woo hoo!! I'm so used to celebrating with food. It's strange, but this time I didn't have a food fest to celebrate. Sure there was a party in my honor, but I didn't stuff my face to the max. I actually took a few bites of every dish (it was potluck), tasting just enough to feel satisfied. Usually it's times like these where I convince myself that I deserve a little treat, so why not? But something was different this time. I didn't feel the need. I just ate like normal. In the past, it was times like these where I would completely fall off the wagon, so to speak, completely losing any and all restraint. But that just didn't happen. In fact lately, I've just been too busy to eat much. My hungry, growling tummy has been reminding me to eat lately. It's strange, but when you're really fat, your stomach rarely growls. At least mine didn't much because I usually ate so often it never had time to empty all the way. So it's been kind of nice to see what your body is actually supposed to functioning like. It's kind of a reminder that there is a totally normal human being lurking deep within me starting to take over.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
I know, it IS devastating when you feel attractive and good about yourself and then catch a glimpse in a mirror from an unusual angle! But I've decided to let these episodes just motivate me even further.
Well done on your thesis defence and especially on controlling your nibbling at the after party! And the weight loss is fantastic!
Yours was the first weight loss blog I've read and I really benefit from every post.
You rock, girl!
Oh my! That sounds like the dressing room from hell! lol I hate trying on clothing in dressing rooms like that, too! It really can be quite depressing!
Congrats on the 62 pounds loss! That is great! I'm so glad you got over the plateau!
And good for you for not pigging out to celebrate! That is a huge accomplishment! :)
I like the setup at Fashion Bug. Long dressing rooms with one mirror. I get the handicapped room so that I can have all my kids in there, LOL, but at least them you don't feel like you're under a microscope. I hate those mirrors!
Haha Jan B! The pleasant dressing rooms I referred to were the ones at the Fashion Bug. Wouldn't you think it would be in the stores best interest to supply dressing rooms that flatter people? I simply don't understand the fluorescent lighting thing. Come on stores! If your dressing rooms have lighting and mirrors that flatter me, I might actually buy more clothes! Maybe they should get some of those fun-house mirrors... you know the ones that make you look skinny. Heehee, just a thought.
Congratulations on breaking through the 60lb mark :)
And I agree with you on the hell of changing rooms - it's one of the main reasons I don't go shopping. Normally, I scurry into the changing rooms, get undressed and redressed quickly, without looking in the mirror, then glance cursorily at my reflection to assess whether I think the particular outfit looks passable (this normally takes all of 7 seconds - any longer and I start stressing...).
And what is it with that lighting? Honestly, it makes even slender people look horrifying... Marks and Spencers have it right - muted lights, spacy changing rooms - shopping is almost a pleasure :)
Nat x
WOW! now, I'd HEARD of this blog before, but hadn't read it, and now I know what I'm missing...
I'll be running right back to my site and adding you to my blog roll!
Reading #81 too... LOL... I've LONG ago given up on bikini's, but HOPE to be in a regular swim suite next summer. At 48 I'm a bit older than you, and KNOW I'm forever beyond the swimsuit stage... and with a starting weight of 371 lbs, I'm a bit worried about what my skin will look like when the weight is off.
Good post and good job on your thesis defense. I think dressing rooms are a primary reason why I basically hate shopping.
Sometimes I think my head is fat...do you ever feel that way? For example, between one day and the next, nothing changes weight-wise, but in my head, I'm either thinner (and feel it!) or fatter (and totally feel it). I've come to the conclusion that my head lies to me at times.
Hey DOCTOR!!! Congrats on your HARD WORK - Both in school and your inner self!
i hate fitting rooms. i hate waiting in line for them and having all the other girls stare at me. and then i hate going into the little cubby-hole and realizing everything i picked out off the rack looked good in theory but HORRIBLE on me. there's something about the unforgiving flourescent lights and the full length mirrors that nail in the fact that i'm huge. UUGGGHHH. i understand.
OH my gosh I KNOW!! The Target near me is a NIGHTMARE to try on clothes in. They have the awful awful flourescent lights, the mirrors that are perfectly angled so you can see your back end--which?! OMG!--and I swear the mirrors are fat-mirrors, as opposed to my mirror in my bathroom which I swear is a skinny mirror. So to go from the home mirror to the Target mirror is so bad. I always come out of there with no clothes, crying because no matter how far I've come I still have SO FAR TO GO! Don't they want me to feel GOOD about myself in the dressing rooms? Jeez! :)
hey i totally know what you mean about the dressing rooms..however, i think smaller people have the same feelings about it...my skinny friends (like size 2s skinny) complain how much they hate dressing rooms as well...i think it's just a place nobody likes to be, however big or smaller you are it just makes everyone look unattractive...congrats on your weight loss!
I'm a 18yr old guy, I hate my weight, but I was under the same illusion that I looked Okay from the sides as well as the front. Exact same experience as in the changing rooms. Now I'm completely paranoid about the way I look from the side, it's driving me mad! For the past couple of months I have felt really depressed and wondered whether I've always looked this way or whether it's just the fat. I've just started exercising at the gym but I want to loose weight like yesterday.
it happens to the best of us. i'm 5'9'' and weigh 126 lbs. those 360 dressing rooms make me look bloaty and gross.
Post a Comment