I wander through the racks of clothes, flipping through hanger after hanger of gorgeous tops, pants and dresses. "Oooo, this is cute!" I utter as I pass by a sexy little dress. My friend appears with a mound of fabric draped over her arm and excitedly says," I gotta try these on, be back in a sec." I nod, excited for her finds, but inside a little sadness stirs. You see, I'm a fat girl in a normal sized clothing shop - nothing here will fit me. You know the feeling!
I used to love going shopping, sorting through the clothes, finding awesome deals, trying on new outfits, searching for matching accessories....but alas, the joy of shopping has left me. Now it's torture, trying to find clothes that cover up my tubby tush, trying desperately to find an outfit that doesn't scream "Hey, look at me, I'm fat!" While shopping in itself has become loathsome, the hardest part is shopping with thin friends. I want to be social and enjoy spending time with friends, but shopping is miserable. It's especially hard when your friends can walk into any store, try a few things on, then walk out with a whole new look. I envy that! It's hard to sit there and wait while your friends try on skinny little outfits, as you flip through the racks knowing you can look, but you can't touch. I hate going into a store and finding something I really love, but knowing that I would never fit into it. It's frustrating! I suppose it's fun, though, to think about wearing these cute little clothes when I get to goal. It gives me something to aspire to, inspiring, but nerve wracking.
There's also another interesting thing I've found about skinny clothes stores - they're not so skinny anymore. As the world's waistlines expand and grow, clothes have expanded to accommodate the bulge. I remember when I was a youngin' going into stores like the GAP or the Express and only finding teenie tiny size 2, 4, 6, 8, and maybe 10's. Now they seem to offer bigger sizes like 14, 16, 18, and 20's. Funny thing is a size 14 today is not the size 14 from 20 years ago. The last time I wore a 14 I was 150 pounds. Now I hear people talk about wearing size 14's when they're like 190-200 pounds. How is this possible? Vanity sizing, baby! You gotta love that. Ha ha! Designers want us to feel good about ourselves so that we buy more of their products, so they change all the labels in their clothes, so that when we try their clothes on we fit into a MUCH smaller size. Wouldn't you be loyal to a brand of clothes if they told you you were 2 or 3 sizes smaller than you actually were? Ha! I would! Maybe this really hasn't helped our waistlines any though. Some people watch their weight by keeping an eye on how tight their clothes feel. But if you keep buying new clothes, and the sizes keep expanding, you'll never have tight clothes even as you pack in the pounds! It can be deceptive! Before you know it, I'll be fitting into a size 2 - at my current weight!
In the end maybe it's a good thing that I can't buy a lot of skinny clothes right now. I really used to love shopping and would spend tons of money on the latest styles. I guess it means I'm saving a lot of money by being banished from mall! Note to self: maybe I should start a savings account for clothing once I hit goal - God help my credit cards!
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19 comments:
i'm constantly amazed at how much sizes vary by store and brand - of course i would love to be a size 6 but i've learned its just a number and who's going to see it anyway (unless i'm wearing my clothes inside out)... its a number - it does not represent who i am, or what i do, or how i feel - so if something fits and its a bigger size than i would like, i'm going to buy it... :o)
I love how you keep say "once I hit goal" . . . it's refreshing to see you so sure you're going to get there! :)
I tell my husband all the time that we would be broke if I could wear all the cute clothes I see!
The savings account for "when" is a great idea!
It is hard to watch those thin friends try on those clothes.. and even though it is hard .. you had such a good attitude.. focusing on the future.. and by the way .. as you lose weight there can only be cooler clothes right??? so in the long run it is better to save and wait.. and then as you come down.. you will be able to reward yourself with something really really sharp... You are far braver than me though.. I will not go into those stores... because they do make me feel a little on the self concious side...
I know I've told you this--but I realized lately how important it is to have clothes that I feel good in, even though I'm not at a weight I would like. Maybe you could set smaller interim goals for yourself, and reward yourself with a new outfit each time you hit one? Then you wouldn't be breaking the bank with a whole new wardrobe that you'll soon be too thin for (!), but you'll keep yourself feeling positive along your journey. Just an idea!
I am 187 and I wear a size 14, I guess sizes have changed.
Too funny! My problem was always I had all these skinny mini friends who were like 0's or 2's on a bad day, so I always felt like a cow when I was looking for 12's or 14's. Well now, after some 3 months of being on Weight Watchers I think I could get into a 9, but your right, is that really the same 9 I was in in High School....or is it a new 9? It never ends does it?
At least you have someone to go shopping with. I hate shopping and it's no fun at all alone, but I've got a gift certificate about to expire, so I'd better get dressed and go shopping for something that will halfway fit. It doesn't matter what size I am. Nothing really fits anyway. Anything that fits through the bust and waist is going to be four inches too big through the hip. There's hardly any point in shopping when I'm in this mood. Maybe I should look at shoes. Shoes and accessories are always safe.
Deirdre
This is true, its hard to go shopping and its gets sad that I can only shop at old navy, target and lane bryant for clothing. I have to say about the vanity sizing, this does exist, but there are also situations where people wear different sizes based on height, muscle tone and how they gain weight. I once read an article about room mates who weigh the same about 135 and one is a size 2 and the other a 6 (or an 8) and one is athletic and the other is not.
If Ive mentioned this before I'm sorry, haha.
anyway, you will love shopping again!
YES! Totally. I hadn't even thought of this reason but it's enough to get me to go jogging tomorrow morning.
I really disagree with all of you,
my two favorites shops right now are torrid and Deb Plus, i range in sizes between a 16, 18 sometimes even a 20, but i love those clothes i love shopping and feeling glamerous for those hot nights at the club!! So why dont you guys try those shops iam sure it will surely change your mind about shopping!
Hey anonymous, I have to agree and disagree with you. Yes, at size 16 or 18 I too feel like a total diva. But at a size 28?.... That's another story! I think there is nothing wrong with a little excess weight - I'm totally happy at a size 18! It was when I dipped into the size 26/28/30... that things went to shit! No stores carried my sizes (at least not ones that fit well) and I felt miserable! But it is true, you can feel like a complete hotty even when you're a size 14, 16, 18, 20... whatever - it's all about how you feel about yourself! Congrats on the positive attitude!!!
Just discovered your blog and it is awesome!
I dont dare attempt shopping for clothes in public now that I am fat. That is what the internet is for!
I love your blog - I'm so glad I found it. Hope you don't mind I will be adding you to my favorites on my blogroll so I can stop by often. Lady Rose (70ish lost so far, another 70ish to go -- since May 1, 2006)
I must shop in the wrong stores. I'm a *very* muscular 150 (dancing, kayaking, biking) and wear a 12 (Old Navy, Vanity, Forever 21). I'm not sure what those are in slightly older women's sizes....
i lost about 30 pounds in the last three or so months and am now at 200 pounds. in most clothes i'm a 16, and either an xl or a l in shirts. i have to admit, i love being at this weight versus my old weight because now at size 16, i can shop in the misses section, which is larger at most shops than the women's section so i feel like i have so many more options. of course, i cant wait to be a size 12 and then the whole store will be at my fingertips!
i love your blog by teh way! keep it up. it is sooooo interesting, by far the most interesting blog i've ever read!
teri
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hey - found you website last week and you really inspire me. im guessing youre from the US cause the sizing is all different over there but i understand your life exactly. shopping is crap when you have skinny friends who fit into anything and everything and you have to go to the big shop to find clothes. Thanks for being such an inspiration!! ive started my own blog for myself to commit my self to losing weight. xx
yes i hate that when im shopping with my thin friends.....i hate it cause im 16yrs 5'1 and weigh about 200 pounds and uses a size 16 in jeans...blah! and its really tough on me to find really nice clothes that fit me well=[[ and also im in highschol and you know how they get... with really judgemental comments well i just ignore it but some way it just hits me like a slap on the face.....
by the way im glad i found this blog =]]
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