#18 - Feeling Self-conscious

When I was thinner I never worried incessantly about how I looked - I looked good, and I knew it. I hate that now I'm always thinking, "Do I look fat in this?", "I should stand up straighter so I don't look as fat.", "Does my hair look bad, does it make me look fat?". This list of worries goes on, and on. The fatter I am, the more I'm self-conscious. You'd think that I realize it's the fat that makes me feel this way, and that I would correct my obesity. But no, I just worry, worry, worry instead. I remember being in high school, being 145 pounds, having guys constantly flirt with me, feeling very confident, and having very little concern about how I looked. I really want to get back to those days (though I fear I will never weigh 145 again). I would just like to get up someday and put on an outfit without worrying if I look too fat in it.

My journaling and calorie counting is going pretty good. I managed to stay pretty close to the calorie range I'd like to be eating. I'm a little frustrated though. I've been REALLY good for the past three days with no weight loss. I know, I know. I must be patient. I didn't gain this weigh overnight, so it will take a while to lose it. It's just that I lost 3.5 pounds as soon as I started and then stopped losing all of the sudden. Granted I've only been journaling for 7 days, and a 3.5 weight loss in 7 days is phenomenal! I'm just totally impatient!!!