#97 - Feeling like an outsider

Why is it that when I'm fat, I feel like a total outsider in life? I feel like I'm always sitting out on the sidelines, waiting for something to happen. I'm like this lurker through life, just sitting back and observing. I've said before that fat people are invisible to the world, but really, fat people do what ever they can to make themselves invisible. Are we really being ignored, or are we hiding ourselves from life?

Sometimes I feel like the sidekick in my own life when I should be the headliner! Why do we let this happen? Why do we let shame and embarrassment and all that other crap that comes with being overweight get in the way, why do we let those feelings rule our lives? I feel like I have to force myself out of my cocoon every once in a while and face life as me, the star of my life, instead of sulking back in the shadows, watching life pass me by. Is it like this for everyone in life? Do we all have to make an effort to be assertive? Or is this, yet again, another self esteem issue brought on by obesity? I seem to know a lot of heavy people that fit into this category. Most of the skinny people I know seem pretty confident with themselves. Life seems easy for them. OK OK, I know I'm generalizing! I'm sure there are plenty of self-conscience skinny people and just as many confident fat people. But maybe it is easier for the thin person to be confident, because they never get the leers and jeers that fat people have to deal with. If you are a confident fat person, you have an amazing sense of self worth. It means not only are you able to look past all the crap life throws at us, but you are also able to deal with the onslaught on insults that fat people deal with, letting all of that roll off your back. If you are one of those people, hats off to you! I struggle everyday to be that type of confident person.

This whole idea of feeling like an outsider came to me as I was sitting on the train, riding back from a business meeting. I could see all these confident business people around me, and I sat there lurking in the shadows, trying yet again to make myself fat self invisible. How is that all these business people can be so confident? I felt like I didn't fit into that crowd of business types, but really I did. The funny thing is, I am one of those business people. I have every right to call myself a successful business person, but I sat there on the train thinking I was less than the people I saw around me. Any why? Because they were thinner than me? How stupid! I'm a smart woman! The outside is NOT what counts! Confidence, don't fail me now!

Yes, I know it's been ages since I've posted. I've been crazy busy at work, leaving me little time to relax let alone write. But I'm back! Never fear, I haven't given up. So... update time. Since I last blogged, I've lost another 6 pounds (that's a rate of 3 pounds lost per month, slow but steady!). I had a funny revelation on the train today. I got up from my seat and nearly walked out of my pants. Seriously. When you start rolling the waistband of your pants over 3 times to keep them from falling off... it's time to buy new work clothes! I guess I'm just trying to get as much life out of them as I can. But just imagine how I would have looked on the train if I had lost my pants. I could picture myself standing there in the aisle with my pants around my ankles... That would have been hilarious! Honestly, I don't think I would have been mortified like some people may have been if their pants dropped to the floor. I would be laughing my ass off! I guess that's one way I've learned to cope with life. Sometimes the best thing to do in life is laugh! Maybe sometimes I struggle to be the star in my own life, but at least I have the comic relief down.


FatGirl said...

Congrats on almost losing your pants!

Anonymous said...

Can't wait until my clothes fall off! :D

I often feel invisible and have to work hard to insert myself so people don't overlook/disregard me. I will be noticed! ;-)

SeaShore said...

Losing your pants on a train full of confident business people sounds like a classic bad dream ;) I had to chuckle!

Congrats on your loss, and on needing new, smaller, pants!

Amy S. said...

Glad your back. Thanks for the good laugh on the pants!

Lyn said...

Hey, good to see you. And congrats on the continued loss.

I do feel rather invisible sometimes, like when I go to places where other Moms are. But it's getting better. I am forcing myself to be more social for my own good.

Catherine said...

That outsider, on-the-sidelines feeling is definitely not just a "fat" thing -- I have always felt that way, and I have always been thin. I've often described it as feeling like I'm just sitting in the audience watching a movie, only the "movie" is the entire world around me. I would guess that a lot of those "confident" people you saw on the train are not really as confident as you perceived them to be. I just try to remind myself that most people probably have the same insecurities that I have, and they probably perceive me as being confident. :)

Jane said...

Can't wait for the day I leave my pants behind! lol Well done on your weight loss so far.

I can relate to alot of what you have said. I find myself lurking in the shadows, not wanting to be seen because of my weight. Think that should change from now on.

I love reading your blog.


butterfly said...

LOL @ mental image I got of pants at ankles!

I think we do try to make ourselves as invisible as possible. We're in constant fear of being judged. I still don't like walking past groups of people because I suddenly turn 12 years old again and imagine everyone snickering as I pass by.

I think a lot of time is also spent thinking " If I were thin I'd do this. Once I get to my goal weight, I'll do that, I could never do such and such because of my size, and so on".

Live now.

Loved your post!

Anonymous said...

Great post, and even in the midst of insecurity you were able to find the humor! I think that shows you are further long on the confidence scale than you give yourself credit for.

One confidence builder that I found is to wear clothes that fit me. I know that there is a period between sizes where we sort of struggle along, but rolling the waistband 3x is way too much!

If you can, consider a new pair of basic pants or a skirt and a pretty top that you can wear to meetings and on days when you really need to look your best. It will really help your confidence!

Congratulations on the steady weight loss. Keep up the strong movement on the road to good health.

Anonymous said...

Hello. I am a university professor who is conducting research on WEIGHT LOSS BLOGGERS AND THE ROLE BLOGGING HAS PLAYED IN THE BLOGGER’S WEIGHT LOSS.

As you may be aware, a lot of research has been done over the years on weight loss but very little has been done on blogging and weight loss. I hope you will help me remedy this.

I have chosen you as a potential research participant because you have a weight loss blog, have a weight loss goal of 100 pounds or more, and have been blogging for at least three months.

If you choose to participate in this study, you will be asked to complete a survey that I will email you. Your answers will be completely confidential and I will use a pseudonym of your choice in the final study.

I have an information sheet about the study I would be happy to share with you. Please email me at aldridga@nsuok.edu if you would like to take a look at it.

Thank you for your time and best of luck to you on your weight loss journey.

Amy Aldridge Sanford, PhD
Assistant Professor of Communication Studies
Northeastern State University
Tahlequah, OK

Anonymous said...

I think you really have to love yourself all the time no matter what your size. I became a lot more confident and still do not have the body to match!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Susan that you have to love yourself and feel comfortable inside your skin no matter how you look. I'm not saying that you remain overweight for ever but don't let this undermine your self-worth -- you don't have to be indivisible because you have got nothing to hide. Fine, you may be overweight, but there are millions of people who are overweight. And anyway people who don't make you comfortable are not worth worrying about.

-- Sarah

Suddenly slimmer said...

I was fat before,my weight went up and down. I tried so many false diets including taking laxative.
Now, I like what I am now lose 10kg with exercise and healthy diet to feed my body.
However,even if you are fat still love yourself. Much easier to reach the result.
Good luck

shadowx said...

Nice post. I know what you mean about feeling like an outsider. That's my main motivation for losing weight. Thanks for the inspirational post.

Keith Maven
FatLoss4Idiots Editor

Anonymous said...

I just bought a new pair of pants because all of my jeans are getting too big. Since I'm losing weight so slowly (about 2 lbs a month), I know I'll get to wear them for at least a little while. However, I hate it when nothing fits all of a sudden, and I have to buy new clothes that will eventually be too big. I just wish my college funds stretched a bit further sometimes, but I wouldn't trade my lost pounds for any amount of money. It's a lot of hard work!

Anonymous said...

I think that anyone can feel less confident, it doesn't matter if you are bigger or anything. I think try to be happy with yourself and the rest will happen and you will feel better and it will help with your weight loss.

Anonymous said...

Hi! I totally support your efforts--I'm a personal trainer and motivating women is what I do for a living--but check this out! VERY motivating for us women to support each other and our body image!! :)

Anonymous said...

The number one reason why you're fat is because you sit your ass all day making shitty blogs instead of exercising or doing something useful.

Anonymous said...

Dear anonymous,

I'm guessing that your fat too, since you seem to just sit there reading all these blogs... Maybe it would be time for you to exercise and do something useful...

Anonymous said...

I can so relate to so much of your blog! I have been struggling with my weight most of my life, in spite of being a fitness freak (from which I am on a hiatus lol).

Believe it or not I am on fat acceptance right now. I don't want to gain weight, but I am not working on losing any really. I exercise. Not like I used to for many years, but it's important to exercise. I am tired of losing then gaining the same 30-35 pounds. Its bad for my health, and it will cause me to gain even more later.

All the best with your weight loss journey :)

Anonymous said...

I've used the feeling of being an outsider to my advantage--I'm stubborn and will prove "them" wrong! It sure makes the working out part easier. A good way to channel all the "stinkin' thinkin'"

Anonymous said...

Wow, that "Anonymous" poster is one ass. Excuse my language. But definitely don't listen to them.

I can relate to your post about feeling on the sidelines. I get bummed like that too.

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Herbalife USA said...

wow congrats that you are able to buy a new work wardrobe! Had to laugh as I pictured someone getting up off their seat and their pants falling off on a busy train!

Online Pharmacies said...

It is good that you have begun to ponder about your mental problems, accompanied with some physical faults. In my opinion you are coming to right conclusions. Step by step your state must improve. Anyway I am glad for you that you are not losing your sense of humor.