Those cookies won't be THAT bad for me.
A third helping of dinner? I was hungry!
250 pounds? That's not THAT bad I suppose.
I look fine in these jeans/shirt/skirt/dress/shorts.
These pants aren't THAT tight.
I'm not THAT unhealthy.
I walk around every day. I guess that's exercise.
My sore knees aren't from the weight. Everyone has aches and pains.
I'll start my diet tomorrow/next week/next month/at New Years.
Ice cream counts towards my daily dairy intake.
Cheetos have cheese in them. That's healthy.
I'm big boned.
Obesity runs in my family. I can't help it.
Something really got me thinking about denial... My bathroom scale. I've devoted whole posts about my bathroom scale and the love/hate relationship I have with it. Right now, I'm loving it. It tells me wonderful things about myself. I'm losing weight. But what truly is my weight? (Denial time) As you can see from my stats I started at 315 and now I'm down to 243. Yes, I have lost 72 pounds. There is no arguing that. But how accurate is the scale? Not very accurate actually. I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago to be reminded of JUST how inaccurate my scale is. I know the scale is TOTALLY off. But hell, it keeps me motivated to see the smaller number. Denial? You betcha! At the doctors office my weight was about 30 pounds higher. Sure I can probably account for 5 pounds in jeans and a little higher day time weight... but the other 25 pounds? Denial. My scale even has a nickname... The magic scale. Because it magically makes you light as air! Should I get a new scale and actually come to terms with the fact that I'm REALLY 25 pounds heavier? Hmmm... good question. Seeing 243 does motivate me to continue. What would seeing 268 do to my psyche? Would I be so bummed, like I had actually gained the weight back or something? That is the fear. So the denial continues. Like I said before, there is no arguing... I've lost 72 pounds! That is still something! So really my highest weight was more like 340. And I'm still losing. But to continue with the magic scale or face reality? I'm always talking about confidence, and how important it is. What will seeing my weight 25 pounds higher do to my confidence? I know it's not all about some dumb number, but we always seem to come back to it. I kind of feel like Samson. My magic scale is like Samson's confidence building hair. I'm afraid of what will happen when I cut the magic scale out of my life and see the TRUE weight. Gulp. I told my little tale to one of my doctors. He just laughed and said to keep the scale, so what if it was inaccurate, at least it was showing weight loss and that was what was important. Maybe it's ok. I suppose he's right. The weight loss is all that matters. And I do know that once I reach my "goal" it wont truly be my goal. I'll have 25 pounds more to go. I'm definitely not in denial about that. I think I've dealt with most of my fat denial issues except this one. Maybe once I've gotten rid of the magic scale and faced the truth, then I'll truly be past all the denial. But for now? Well... It's not THAT much denial... I'm 243 pounds.