9.02.2007

#80 - I hate the way I feel in clothes

I remember a time when I had favorite clothes, you know the ones, that favorite pair of jeans or that favorite sweater that made you feel good to wear them. When I was young, I had this favorite sun dress that made me feel amazing every time I put it on. I can remember all the details of it, a pretty white knee-length dress with a purple ribbon belt and prowling purple jaguar across the skirt (OK, give me a break, it was the early 80's). I felt like a princess every time I wore it. I had fun finding shoes and hats to match. It was fun and made me feel so pretty. But now I don't seem to have any favorite clothes, in fact, I pretty much hate all my clothes. I hate the way they look, I hate the size they are, I hate the style, but most of all I hate the way I feel in them. A long time ago I stopped shopping for the clothes I liked, and started shopping for the clothes I needed. The styles available to heavy people are, in my opinion, quite limited. Sure, some clothiers are rebellious and offer trendy styles, but usually this is a total disaster. Come on, baby doll sleeves on a 300 pound woman? Please. And how many of you like baring your midriff in shortie shirts? Not me. So for quite a few years I have found myself in long pants and tunic-like shirts, usually in some figure hiding dark shade. So I pretty much have a wardrobe of long black shirts. Haha. I'm not ambitious about my clothes at all anymore. I used to love shopping for trendy new clothes and trying new things, but no more. I head straight to the long t-shirts and jeans, which never seem to let me down.

But what gets me so much about being fat is that I am just not comfortable in my clothes at all. I always find myself tugging at my shirts, feeling exposed all the time. Don't get me wrong, my clothes fit me and all, they just don't make me feel good. I'm always thinking my tummy is showing, or my butt is too big, or something stupid like this. I know a lot of this is about confidence, it always comes back to that. But you know the saying, "the clothes make the man." And if your clothes don't make you feel good, it makes you feel bad about yourself. A great outfit can lift your confidence through the roof. But what if you're never feel comfortable in your own clothes? You never get that extra boost of confidence. I've had friends tell me it's all about the tailoring, that you need to have clothes altered to your exact shape and size for a perfect fit. OK, who has the money to have ALL of their clothes altered? I sure don't. I'm an off the rack kind of gal, as I think most people are. But honestly, is a perfectly tailored shirt gonna make me feel so much better? I really don't think so. You know, it's not about the clothes... it's about the fat. You can dress me head to toe in haute couture, but I'm still gonna be fat. I just don't think I'll ever feel good in clothes until I lose some more weight.

Mini update time... Some of you have been asking how my weight loss has been going. I was doing really great there for a bit, consistently losing weight, but that seems to have come to a halt. I'm blaming it on a 10 pound weight loss at the end of July. I keep telling myself my body is just adjusting to the change. Maybe, who knows. But despite the plateau I'm still plugging away, working on making good choices in what I eat, trying not to over eat. I still have given up on TV, which has helped me to give up much of my previous mindless eating. Despite my best efforts, ok maybe not my BEST efforts, but my efforts none the less, I've been hanging out at 256 for about a month now. I just keep telling myself that at least I'm not gaining. I've gotten really good at stabilizing, and damn, that's half the battle. I mean, what good is it if you lose a ton of weight, but can't keep it off? OK raise your hand if you have lost a bunch of weight only to gain it back again. Yup, me too. So even though I'm on another plateau, I still see it as a victory. And I always think back to my highest weight and think that 256 feels A LOT better than 315... damn that's 59 pounds down! And I know that if I keep positive, keep working at it, and never give up, eventually I will lose the weight. I don't even think of it as "if" I lose the weight anymore, now I think of it as "when" I lose the weight. I know we're all looking for that overnight pill that will miraculously make us thin in the morning, but that's just not gonna happen. I think a big part of trying to lose a lot of weight is patience, being able to stick to it as your body slowly adapts to the changes. Honestly, you're not gonna lose weight every week, or every month for that matter, what is important is that you keep losing and keep it off over time. And I know, one of these days, I'm going to start to feel comfortable in my own clothes again, and I'll find another favorite piece clothing that makes me feel amazing every time I slip into it. Guess I'll have to keep my eyes open for a white sun dress with a purple jaguar on it, just kidding.

19 comments:

john - from fat to fit said...

59 pounds is awesome! Slow and steady is the way to go. That's why I have started graphing my weight loss - I know that there will be times that my weight goes up and I'll be frustrated but hopefully the trend line in the graph will keep my wits about me. As long as the trend is toward my goal I'm good.

What I hate about my clothes is that it's just too easy to be a slob. Shorts and a t-shirt is pretty much my summer long attire, even when we go out. And I can't wait until I don't have to shop at the big and tall stores.

Jan B said...

Sometimes the reason that we plateau is that our body has a set point, sort of like a thermostat does. This is the set point for the metabolism. You can change that point and get that weight loss moving again by bumping up your workout. Whatever you are currently doing, just modify it slightly so that it is more intense. For me, I can gauge that by whether or not I am really sweating when I am walking on the treadmill. Gentle won't do it, I have to really move. I plan a 1% incline increase every 30 days to keep the intensity up. Speaking of which, I should bump it up now.

Ann said...

I know exactly what you mean about tugging at your clothes all the time. Mine fit, but they still feel like I'm wearing something from someone else's closet! I also tend to be attracted to clothes that would look great on the thin person trapped inside me...so I'm always disappointed when I have to choose from the stuff that actually fits.

Chubby Chick said...

Wow... can I ever relate to this post. Most of my wardrobe consists of long black t-shirts and stretchy black capris. I am SO sick of dressing like this all the time! It makes me feel old, sad, and like I'm in mourning. lol I will be SO happy when I can buy pretty, sexy, flattering, and feminine clothes... and actually feel good wearing them! Thanks for putting into words what so many of us feel.

And congrats on your weight loss... and on your maintenance during this plateau! We all hit plateaus... and it is a MAJOR accomplishment to not revert to bad habits and gain weight. I know you'll soon pass this... and you'll be closer to your goal than ever before. You can do this. WE can do this! Keep up the good work! :)

Anonymous said...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA

Anonymous said...

Thanks for writing. Your posts are always so thoughtful and spot-on.

polechick said...

I hate how true this post is...... ;(

amma15 said...

I totally know what you mean, there was a time when I loved shopping and clothes-still do actually. I even worked in an upper end boutique and couldn't fit in most of the clothes.

Anyway, I randomly surfed on your blog, My name's asma I'm 23 and want to lose 85 lbs, I lost 18 so far and I'm keeping a blog also. check out out!
http://medicalweightloss.blogspot.com/

Lady T said...

i've been at a standstill too. last month was full of lots of changes....so weightloss was not my primary focus...but during that month i made some less than stellar food choices.....and got that taste in my mouth....so its ahrd switching back over to the really healthy stuff bc its just doesnt taste as good to me.

i'm holding at 255 (2lbs up form lowest weight) and i'm hopign to get into the 40's this month.

its a new one, come on and join me. i digure we're both needing all the support we can get.

PastaQueen said...

My favorite dress was a one-piece dress with a double-ruffled hot pink skirt and a glittery pink heart on the top. I haven't thought about that dress for *years*! I wish I had a picture of it. I'd never wear it now, but I did feel beautiful in it.

"I stopped shopping for the clothes I liked, and started shopping for the clothes I needed."

That is an awesome line and so true.

Anonymous said...

weight loss does take time, but it's all the better. i lost 5 kg a while ago, doing it slowly, never more than half akilo a week. This summer I've been relaxing my diet, A LOT at times I'm afraid, but I haven't put the weight back on and it's been three months - that's cool. I plan on losing another 3kg this fall, which I know with the right diet and daily excersise I can do, but I thinkit's probably even sensible to be stuck in a plateau for a while!

JoLynn Braley said...

Congratulations on your 59-pound loss! Keep focusing on that and all of the "good stuff" that you're doing for yourself....and, you're right that you will hit plateaus...keep on practicing your healthy habits and you will end up seeing your goal weight. :)

Kim in Carlsbad said...

Just landed on your blog. Thanks for the honesty. I have lost about 55lbs and I would like to loose more but I also have hit the plateu stage. Your weight loss is a wonderful achievement, Congratulations. I am trying to eat super healthy but I have to admit I am always worried about gaining the weight back. Keep up the good fight - you are doing something right. I will check back.

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

I have found an awesomely cute store that has a flattering plus-size section; it's called Dots, and you've got a few locations in CT. It's ideal for those of us trying to lose weight, as it's inexpensive (especially compared to Lane Bryant), so you don't feel bad or go broke picking up a couple new pieces each month or two when you lose weight.

--Mindy in Richmond

Maria said...

Oh my gosh, I know exactly how you feel! My clothes shopping days are over. . .well, until I lose all the weight I've gained. Believe me I've gone shopping with hopes of finding something that I felt looked good on me and walked out feeling deflated and depressed. After a couple times, I decided to give up . . .I hated feeling bad about it. When I lose my weight, I'll go on a shopping spree. . .to make up for the lost time!! Can't wait!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I absolutely love your blog!

Check out my weight loss blog site that I started about 2 months ago! I'm still going strong!

www.journeytoskinnyville@blogspot.com

Maria

Nykky said...

I really enjoy reading your blog. Can I put a link to you on my blog?

kimberly said...

Oh my goodness, I totally know what you mean. I remember what it was like--not all that long ago!--when I could just go into a store and shop for the stuff I liked, rather than poking around for stuff that would look good on someone like me. I remember how it was to just put on clothes and not worry about how I looked in them or if they fit me that week as opposed to last week. I want that again!!! Such a big motivator!

Chloe said...

It's great to hear how hard you're trying :-) I'm trying to get rid of some weight too and i always start the day putting 100 % effort in then by the end of the day its practically non-existant! But you keep going no matter what which is the most important thing. Good luck, and remember the inside counts for just as much :-) xx

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