4.12.2006

#12 - Being reminded that I'm fat

I'm totally one of those fat chicks that is blissfully unaware of my obesity most of the time. I think I have body-dimorphic-syndrome, but in reverse. Most thin girls with this disorder think they are quite fat. I, on the other hand, am fat, but think I am quite thin! Most of the time I feel like I'm around 190-200 (overweight, but not by much), when in reality I'm pushing 300.

I got an awful reminder of how fat I really am. I had an abdominal CAT scan done a couple weeks ago (for an ongoing condition I've been dealing with). I requested a copy of the CAT scan, because as a scientist I am quite curious and like to see the pretty pictures for myself. I was mortified when I saw the scan. I must have a 4-5" fat layer around my body! It looks like I have a little 150 pound person hidden within!

If I ever needed more motivation to lose weight, that was it!!! I really hate being fat. I guess my reverse body-dimorphic-syndrome is my way of coping (denial) with my state. This year I REALLY want to make an effort to reduce my body fat. I don't need to be 'thin' just healthier! It's little reminders like this that help me make the decision to try!

I've been pretty sick for the past year, so weight loss has been low on my list of priorities. I'm due to have surgery in the next few weeks, which should improve my situation. After I heal, I will really make the effort to lose weight.

6 comments:

Carrie said...

What drives me crazy is when people talk about really really obese people as weighing 200 pounds. I just feel mortified, and I'm like...if you only knew. People who are thin are a really bad judge of weight.

Anonymous said...

To me horribly skinny is around 150lbs. Healthy is 200lbs and above.
"Obese" doesn't happen in my books.

Anonymous said...

I just came across this blog. I myself weigh about 300 lbs, and I totally am in some state of denial. I often forget that I'm not a mere 190 lbs or so. I also hate being reminded that "oh yea, I'm about 150 lbs OVERweight" I'm not just fat, I'm OBESE...it sucks. Anyway, I'm enjoying the blog so far...Keep up the good work! I'm workin on losing weight myself.

Katie said...

I just came across your blog and boy can I relate to so many of the posts. I've often thought I was much skinnier than I am until I look in the mirror or try on clothes and then it's pretty crushing realizing how fat you are. You're doing a great job with the battle, keep it up!

Meaghan said...

I have the exact same "reverse body dismorphic disorder". It's really awesome to read about someone else's progress in weight loss, and that they're struggling with the same issues I am. This blog has given me the resolve to give weight loss another go. Thank you so much.

Adelle said...

Did you mean body dysmorphic disorder? Also known as body dysmorphia, and body dysmorphic syndrome. It is not, in fact, characterized by a thin person thinking they are overweight- that is anorexia, bulimia, and EDNOS. BDD is diagnosed when the sufferer believes they are hideous- too hideous, in fact, to be loved. Usually, the person has an average to above average appearance, and look fine- but live in a constant state of anxiety about their appearance and others perception of them. BDD does go hand-in-hand with eating disorders, but not always. A sufferer with BDD may also believe that they are larger than they are. I was, in fact, diagnosed with BDD a year and a half ago.