9.11.2007

# 81 - Bikinis - Can I ever wear one?

I was looking at my not so tight tummy (ok, let's be honest, my flabby tummy) and wondering if I will ever look good in a bikini. I've lost almost 60 pounds now, and I'm cursed with some loose skin. I think it's one thing to be a bit over weight and expect your skin to pop back into place, but when you've been 315 pounds, your skin stretches quite a bit to accommodate the fat. I'm probably being impatient, I know it might firm up a bit over time, but I worry that I'm stuck with it. I really do hope I can firm up my stomach over time. Because I know that I'll feel like a total success the day I can wear a bikini.

Why do we hold the bikini on such a high pedestal? We are always talking about getting in shape for bikini season, or losing weight to someday fit into that elusive bikini. It seems that the bikini has become the socially accepted symbol for the pinnacle of health or thinness. I have had times in my life when I wore a bikini. I wasn't tiny skinny or anything, I was a size 10 the last time I donned a bikini. I really did love the way it made me feel, very pretty and sexy, so I guess I do understand all the hype. I guess the bikini is just another way of saying you are at a healthy weight for your body, cause you would only wear a bikini if you were comfortable wearing one, meaning most likely you are at a pretty healthy weight and have a relatively flat tummy (at least no rolls lol). Why do I have such a desire to wear a bikini? Is it one of those "I can't have it so I want it" kind of thing? If I was naturally thin, would I be wearing a bikini anyway? I always think of bikinis as a thing 20-somethings wear; I'm 33, maybe I'm past my bikini prime.

Sometimes I think this obsession is silly. Why do we do this to ourselves? I worry that I set up myself for failure. What if I lose a ton of weight and get down to a healthy range, but maybe not quite thin enough for a bikini, will I feel like a failure just cause I can't wear a bikini? I obsess about the weirdest things. I'm still over 250 pounds and I'm worrying about wearing a bikini. You would think I have more important things to think about. But still, it's this goal I've set up in my mind, it's something I can work towards. And it's a physical, tangible reward for all the hard work of weight loss. Even though I know it's silly, I know that the day I hit a healthy comfortable weight, one of the first things I'm buying is a new bikini!

Mini update: hey guys, I haven't been posting a lot lately cause I've been CRAZY busy. I'm finishing up my PhD in biology as we speak (... I really should be working on my thesis lol). I have my thesis defense a week from Friday (omg that is SOON!). I'm sure I'll start posting more frequently after I finish up. :) Please send me all your good thoughts! I need some positive energy to help get me through it!

25 comments:

Ceese said...

Delurking to say--hang in there...there's light at the end of the tunnel...positive vibes coming your way!!

Thank you for the posting you have done. A lot of times you write about topics and feelings, hopes and fears that I always thought I was the only one experiencing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts openly and honestly!

Nykky said...

I really hope your tummy firms up enough to wear a bikini! For myself I don't think I will ever be able to wear one. While I haven't lost a large amount of weight, my tummy looks like I've lost over 100 lbs. I guess it could be from my c-section? I don't know. I have to accept it...sigh..BUT One day you are going to wear a hot little string bikini and feel comfortable!

Armand Rousso said...

It is about being able to wear a bikini or not.If you want one good reason to be worried about your weight, think about your health first instead of fashion factors. Your health is the most important of all.

Armand Rousso
http://health.armandrousso.biz/

Brian said...

I agree with Armand Rousso, your health should be your priority, not fashion or trend.

Hanlie Blewett said...

I never wore a bikini when I was thin, because I never "felt" thin.
And now that I'm approaching 40, I don't think I'll expose my stretch marks to the world once I've lost all my weight! One can look really good in a stunning 1 piece.
I have it on good authority that Pilates will help firm you up so that at the end of a large weight loss you won't end up with loose skin! I'm banking on it! The one thing I know I'm going to need surgery for is putting my boobs back on the upper half of my torso, but I'll wait till after I've had my babies.
Keep it up, you're doing great and inspiring all of us!
Good luck with your thesis...

jodi said...

i there there's a difference between 'bikinis' and '2-pieces'... i have worn a 2-piece since i can remember and have been much heavier than i am now... its all in how you feel and not comparing yourself to others - yes, seems easy to say and not do but it's true... if you are happy w/how you look, find a suit that flatters your shape... save the skimpy-ones for the swimsuit models... ;o)

PastaQueen said...

There are varying opinions on who looks good in a bikini too. I wish I looked as good as Britney Spears did in her sparkly bikini at the Video Music Awards, but she got ripped in the press because she's not as ripped as she used to be. I have long given up any hope of wearing a bikini without surgery. I'm kind of modest, so I doubt I would have worn one even with perfect skin.

Chubby Chick said...

I'm more of a one-piece girl than a bikini girl. Not that I've ever worn either one of those. lol But I do hope to be able to look good enough in a one-piece some day so I can go to the beach with my hubby and actually swim and enjoy myself... instead of just walking along the shore in my capris and t-shirt.

dkaz said...

#1 - Bikinis are highly overrated. Unless you are a teenager with no cellulite or a supermodel, everyone has flaws and a bikini shows them. Plus, I have seen many, many women with less than perfect figures wearing bikinis, so if that is what you want to do - go for it!
#2 - You are still young - your flabby tummy will shrink - it will take a while, but it will get smaller. You might not ever have abs of steel, but if you are normal weight, it might not matter as much to you. I was so happy to be able to look in the mirror and see a normal woman that I really didn't care if my tummy was a bit poochy by other people's standards.
#3 - Tankini. Very cute and covers up a multitude of flaws, from stretch marks to squishy extra skin on tummy.

Lyn said...

I hae never worn a bikini in my life! And I was thin and had a bikini body when I was in my teens-early 20's. I just always thought it was equivalent to wearing your underwear in public. I was always an ultra modest type as a kid, and to me a bikini looked like underwear and a bra! So... for me.. a tankini is probably the closest I will ever want to get, But good luck with that bikini!!

Lady T said...

just wanted to wish you peace and blessings. i just went thru the dissertation process vicariously thru my bf. its months later and i'm still recovering! lol!

you will make it. you've made it this far.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for a while now and finally decided to comment...I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work, you are an inspiration. Your blog gets me through some of the tougher days...its nice to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts in my head. I have reached a plateau myself and was about to dive head first into a tub of ice cream, but I read your post and decided to hop on the treadmill instead, so thank you.
Now go kick some ass on your defense.

Natalie said...

Hello there :)

I've been lurking around on your blog for a wee while now (along with a couple of others - I'm a professional lurker!) but I wanted to say I think you're blog is inspirational. I really get what you're saying in your posts, and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one going through all this stuff!

It's one of the things I really love about reading other people's blogs - I've linked to your blog from mine, I hope that is ok. Just wanted to be sharing the inspiration :)

Natalie

Anonymous said...

Hi there!

I've been reading your blog for quite a while now, but I've been shying away from leaving a comment.
I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you best of luck with your PhD. I'm going through the thesis process myself at the moment,and i know how hard it is to balance writing/studying and food. You've done SO well! You should be proud!
All the best!
Maria x

Anonymous said...

Best of luck to you, you smart, funny, beautiful lady!

xox

Kat E said...

You go girl--you're almost to the finish line!!

As for bikinis, I think those days are long gone for me. I still prefer the 2 piece tankini though...my current one fits in such a way that there's no tummy exposure whatsoever. If only there were a cute bathing suit that covered up fat thighs ;)

Lorrie (Token Fat Girl) said...

the elusive bikini. I think I've pretty much given up on this one for myself. I feel like if I do get to an acceptable weight to wear one, my body will show too much of the former fat girl. Sigh.

I look forward to your post when you do buy the bikini with photos!

Anonymous said...

oh, i'm looking forward to those photoes!!!

honib1 said...

You have done a awesome job so far... have faith.. and keeping going downward.. all of your work is paying off.. good luck with your thesis too.. You can do this.. and you will get that bikini.. SOON..

brony said...

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Anonymous said...

My greatest bikini moment happened last year while on holiday in Crete with my 25 year old son and daughter-in-law. I had been dieting streadily over the course of three years but still hadn't built up enough confidence to get back into a bikini.

Anyhow in Crete, egged on by my daughter-in-law, I bought a very skimpy bikini. The following morning we all headed down to the beach and in my bikini my new found confidence was growing by the minute.

After a marvelous morning sunbathing we walked back to our hotel and on the way my son put his arm around me and whispered into my ear saying "I just want you to know that I enjoyed seeing you in a bikini today...I haven't been able to take my eyes off you!"

My daughter-in-law wanted to know what the big secret was but I certainly wasnt going to let her know that her husband had just admitted that he had been eyeing my figure all morning.

My son's naughty-but-nice compliment got rid off any doubts I had about wearing a bikini again. My theory being if me in a bikini can make such an impact on my own son, just how much more of an effect would me in a bikini have on other men!

chris said...

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Online Pharmacies said...

Obviously a bikini makes a woman more sexual looking and maybe feeling so I think it is put on the pedestal of beauty (health and so on) deserved.

Anonymous said...

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m a senior in high school who’s about 7 pounds overweight—which translates into 20 pounds too chubby for society’s standards. I’ve always been a little chubby, and don’t ever remember being comfortable with my weight. I was at my thinnest my freshman year, but stress got to me and I just ate and ate sophomore and junior year! This blog is inspirational, especially since three of my closest friends are stick thin and the other is busty and healthy. Now that I’ve gotten into college, my goal is to be able to wear a bikini at my beach house this summer. You’re blog is an inspiration, so please keep it up!

Eric said...

While I wouldn't recommend a really skimpy bikini, there are several two pieces that could work well for you. The high waisted look is really in style right now. I think that would work well.