6.07.2007

#67 - Completely wasting my 20's

I thought about it, and I realized that I've been fat for over 15 years. I pretty much starting packing on the pounds at the end of high school. By the time I was 18 I was obese. I had a really active dating life during high school, but once I got fat, my social life waned. And by the time I was in in my 20's, and fat, I was in social isolation. After my high school sweetheart and I broke up, in my early 20's, I stopped dating all together. It kind of became this vicious cycle. I thought I was too fat to date, so I felt bad and gained more weight, which of course made me want to date less and less, and so on and so on. You get the idea. So here I am now, 33, and still not doing too much dating. I don't even go out very often with my friends (on a side note though I think this is more about my age, cause my thin friends complain about being too tired to go out much anymore either). I feel like my fatness has made me a self-induced recluse. That makes me really sad when I think about it. What happened to my 20's? Isn't that supposed to be a time when you go out and party, when you meet lots of new people, when you find love, when you enjoy life the most? I feel like I completely wasted my 20's away feeling self conscious and ashamed. I'm only now becoming aware of what I've been doing all these years, and I'm trying to make changes. In the past year I've started dating a bit again. Though I must say the whole body-self-conscious thing still gets me. I have a really hard time being comfortable taking my clothes off in front of anyone. And it's not just a matter of deciding to date either. It's not like I have men beating down my door for a date. Honesty, how many men are attracted to women that are 100 pounds over weight? Sure they are out there, but there aren't many! I just feel like I've spent so much time trying to fill my voids with food that I forgot to live. I forgot how important contact with other people is. I forgot how important touch is. I feel like I've wasted so much precious time that I will never get back. What happened to my 20's? But I won't let it get me down. I won't let it contribute to that vicious cycle thing of feeling bad and getting fatter. No more!! I'm breaking that cycle!! The only thing I can do now is to keep at it, keep losing weight and getting healthy, keep trying to be more social and date, keep trying to live my life to the fullest again. Life is too short, we don't have time to waste it!!

20 comments:

honib1 said...

I did the same thing u did... and I took it one step farther.. I kept people out of my world I locked people out..Folks thought I was friendly and on the surface I had lots of friends.. but let a man show interest in me and I became pretty withdrawn.. I believed that no man could care about me..that lasted until my mid 30s then I dated the man from hell.. I WIN I promise he was the ORIGINAL MAN FROM HELL...then I gave up again.. and then a thing called internet dating came along.. I did that.. met wonderful people.. traveled around the country.. and then .. one day .. when I was not looking it happened.. and over the last 7 years .. we have weathered things and lived life probably deeper than most people and survived things that would ordinarily pull people apart.. we are getting married this fall.. By the way...His dog introduced us..so it can happen when you very least expect it.. and can be far closer than you ever thought possible

***CCC*** said...

Wow...I could have written the exact same blog. Exact. Same. Blog!

It hit me the other day that never in my life have I known what it was like to be thin.

I live in South Florida and have never worn a two-piece bathing suit (Save for my baby years when a little chub on the tummy was cute!). I have wasted 28 years of my life being a fatty...and it stops now!!!

I don't want to wake up at 40 and say I wasted another 10 years! Right now, I'm shooting to be at my goal weight before I hit 30 (roughly 13 months away) so I can enjoy SOME of my 20s at a healthy weight.

We shall see!

Good luck as you continue your journey...

TĂȘtue said...

Oh my goodness, I was just thinking the EXACT SAME THING! You expressed it perfectly. I'm 27, and I'm hell bent on starting my 30s off right--maybe even get a year or two jump on it. ;) Awesome post! Thank you!

Anonymous said...

You may not have spent your twenties the way you think you should have, but if you learned something and grew as a person, your twenties were not wasted.

Deirdre

FatMom said...

Amen! Don't waste another minute.

I'm so done being fat said...

I totally get this. It's hard.... and when we get busy with our lives it's easy to just hide in our fat caves... and keep thinking i'll put it off until I am thinner.

Then, you blink and it's 5 years or 10 years later! Keep up the good work and live life to the fullest.

Jenera Healy said...

I'm still in my 20's but I can totally relate. I've always been a big girl. Always. I was always skeptical if a man showed interest. I couldn't imagine anyone being attracted to me. Even when I met my husband, I was so sure there was a catch. But, I think that we all learn from those moments and it gives a stronger resolve to lose the weight finally.

Anonymous said...

i have been fat for some years (3-4) until when i was 17. I had no sex life or dating etc. and i didn't persuit because i was afraid of rejection. now i'm 21 and i've lost 24 kilos and i go to the gym and i have been with soooo many girls in the last 3 years :]

my life has changed. if you want to be thin because that's what makes you happy, try hard

all the best!

bruckna said...

i am going to be 20 in ten days. so although i don't have the years of experience or a feeling that i've wasted my twenties (which obviously haven't started yet) i do feel like i've wasted my adolescence and first two years of college. i've never had a boyfriend, been on a date, kissed anyone, etc. etc. i'm a great person but people can't look passed my looks. ironic. i'm trying to change but it's so hard. and just like you said "getting more upset and turning to food" is exactly how i cope. i am sad because i eat and i eat because i am sad. it's a vicious cycle. thanks for a great post, it feels better that i'm not the only one like this.

Finished Last said...

Great blog. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Oh sweetie, trust me when I tell you that your thirties are SO much better than your twenties! Look forward, not back. You have a wonderful life ahead of you!

Rachel said...

After a lifetime of being fat, I thought surely after losing 175 pounds I'd be sought after finally by guys. Wrong. I didn't attract anymore attention at 125 pounds than I did at 300. Nor was thinness a magic antidote to becoming happy.

groovybabe said...

wow, someone who understands where I am coming from in terms of dating and being fat. Thanks for clarifying that I am not in fact mad, or a loony!

http://groovybabe.wordpress.com

Lady T said...

i'm still in my 20's but i fear that i will let this "fun" time in life pass me by. i have been blessed to meet someone who loves a big woman...and loves me completely....but i hate that we dont do more active things. i want to go skating without the fear that i may fall and break something and 2 men will have to heave me to the sidelines. i feel pretty in private but i want to feel that way in public too...at the beach i want to wear a coverup to be "stylish"...not just bc i am trying to hide rolls and jiggly thighs.

i'm fed up and i am fighting back!

congrats to you and your journey as well.

Cherry Dolphin said...

Well said, i couldn't agree with you more. I'll be 27 soon, and by the time I reach my goal, if I stay on plan this time once and for all, I will be at least 28... What did I do with my 20's? I didn't go out, have fun, wear cute clothes. I hid away from the world and my friends and family, save for a choice few. Good for you for getting out there and dating again, and congrats on your loss, and thank you for your motivational blog!

dkaz said...

I kind of wasted my 20's (and my 30's) also - and not by being fat, but by being an a bad relationship/marriage. Then I got fat. Depressing? yes. Terminal? I hope not. I am finally free of the bad marriage and I am trying to get free of the weight. I figure, I still have 1/2 my life to live hopefully, so it can't all be over already. As a previous commentor wrote - it's not a waste if you learned something from it. You are still SO YOUNG! Don't worry about what is past - enjoy what is ahead.
I had a friend who didn't get married until her late 30's back when all of her friends were marrying in their early 20's. She didn't worry that she was unmarried for longer than her peers - she always said that she married her second husband 1st and skipped over the miserable divorce step. A lot of people are unsure of themselves and lack confidence in their 20's - thin or fat. You didn't miss too much, and you still have so much time to be young!

Big Momma Black said...

I can totally relate. This is the time that I am supposed to look and feel the best and I look and feel the worse. I really admire your grit.

Anonymous said...

man i can never remember a time i was thin even when my parents used to make fun of me and embarrass me over my weight. even with starving,diet pills, and exercise i could not get thin. unfortunately i am hugely built like a man so i can only get but so thin

right now i am in my late 20's desperately trying to loose weight but now cannot since i have a health condition that makes it impossible to loose weight. that is like the ultimate slap in the face--exercising hard, watching what i eat, portion control, etc and still cannot loose any weight.

i feel totally cursed.

junon said...

Hi there.

I turned 25 this year. I am obese and I have let it stop me doing so many things I want to do. I don't want to waste any more time.

I find your blog so insipirational. I wish you all the luck in the world.

life isn't over! said...

I just turned 25 and in the spirit of the quarter life crisis I realized I wasted my early twenties. I feel like I had fun in college, but I was never quite wild and crazy even though my roommates were. I'm overweight and I always felt awkward going out with my friends because they had great bodies and could get any guy they looked at and it made me feel almost ashamed to be in public in those situations. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one in this situation have been inspired in this moment to not let this ruin the rest of my twenties!