#67 - Completely wasting my 20's
I thought about it, and I realized that I've been fat for over 15 years. I pretty much starting packing on the pounds at the end of high school. By the time I was 18 I was obese. I had a really active dating life during high school, but once I got fat, my social life waned. And by the time I was in in my 20's, and fat, I was in social isolation. After my high school sweetheart and I broke up, in my early 20's, I stopped dating all together. It kind of became this vicious cycle. I thought I was too fat to date, so I felt bad and gained more weight, which of course made me want to date less and less, and so on and so on. You get the idea. So here I am now, 33, and still not doing too much dating. I don't even go out very often with my friends (on a side note though I think this is more about my age, cause my thin friends complain about being too tired to go out much anymore either). I feel like my fatness has made me a self-induced recluse. That makes me really sad when I think about it. What happened to my 20's? Isn't that supposed to be a time when you go out and party, when you meet lots of new people, when you find love, when you enjoy life the most? I feel like I completely wasted my 20's away feeling self conscious and ashamed. I'm only now becoming aware of what I've been doing all these years, and I'm trying to make changes. In the past year I've started dating a bit again. Though I must say the whole body-self-conscious thing still gets me. I have a really hard time being comfortable taking my clothes off in front of anyone. And it's not just a matter of deciding to date either. It's not like I have men beating down my door for a date. Honesty, how many men are attracted to women that are 100 pounds over weight? Sure they are out there, but there aren't many! I just feel like I've spent so much time trying to fill my voids with food that I forgot to live. I forgot how important contact with other people is. I forgot how important touch is. I feel like I've wasted so much precious time that I will never get back. What happened to my 20's? But I won't let it get me down. I won't let it contribute to that vicious cycle thing of feeling bad and getting fatter. No more!! I'm breaking that cycle!! The only thing I can do now is to keep at it, keep losing weight and getting healthy, keep trying to be more social and date, keep trying to live my life to the fullest again. Life is too short, we don't have time to waste it!!