#51 - Feeling like my life is on hold

I think many of us heavy-set folk feel like we're not fully participating in life. It's like the fat has put us on hold. I know this is true for many people in different walks of life, thick or thin, but I think it's particularly true for fat people. I definitely say things like, when I'm thinner, I'll do this or I'll do that. But I think I have other circumstances that put my life on hold too. I'm still in school at 32, so I feel like I've been perpetually in school since I was 5 years old. That has really put my adult life on hold. I'm not married, I don't own a home, I don't yet have a job. I think these things also contribute to me feeling like my life is on hold. But I think the main reason I put things off is my weight. I think I impose many many limits on what I can and can't do, solely based on my weight. Why is this?

I know it's easy to put things off because of a limitation like being fat, but really, is it just an excuse not to live? Do we get so wrapped up in our weight or our weight loss that we stop participating in the world around us? I know that people with addictions tend to recoil from the world, getting lost in their substance abuse or unhealthy lifestyle. Is being fat the same thing? Have I recoiled from the world, unable to fully participate in the world around me because I'm fat? My question is, why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it the embarrassment of being fat in a thin world, knowing people look at you different? Is it because you're just so tired lugging all this fat around that you don't have the energy to do anything more than you have to? I don't know. For me, I think it's a little of both of these reasons, embarrassment and lack of energy.

I think it's easy to live in the future. When I get married then I'll... When I graduate I'll... When I have a job... When I move... When I lose weight... Maybe I shouldn't be so worried that me life is on hold. It's not! I'm alive aren't I? I'm living my life everyday, don't I? What's on hold? Sure, I have dreams and aspirations, but my fat isn't holding me back from these things. I'll graduate, I'll get a job, I'll move somewhere, I'll probably even get married someday. And I'll be able to do ALL of these things whether I'm fat or thin. I think we have to remember the now. To be happy now. To enjoy life now. To live life now. Sure we might be fat, but we can still be happy with our lives no matter what the scale says. Don't let anything hold you back!


the trapped one said...

I came over from the WW 200+ message board. It is comforting to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way!! Thanks for being so open, honest, and candid.

Lorrie said...

i know what you mean its similar to that song "Im waiting for my real life to begin"
Take Care,
The Token Fat Girl

Fat Doctor said...

I hear ya, sister! I realized several years ago that my entire life was on hold, that I was waiting for some mystical thing that would probably never happen anyway. So I took charge: Pursued my dream career, found Mr. Right, had a child...now it's time to lose weight. The time is NOW. We should never forget that!

Kat E said...

awesome post. A reminder all of us need now and then :)

Unknown said...

You're so right. I asked myself a while ago, "what are you waiting for?" Still haven't figured out what I'm waiting for, but I'm trying not to wait so much anymore.

Excellent blog, I've been enjoying it.

Anonymous said...

When I was fat, I was always so cognizant of that syndrome, I told myself that I NEVER let being fat stop me from doing anything. Now that I'm well into the normal weight BMI I know just how UNTRUE that was. I let being fat stop me from doing so many things. I mourn for that lost time. For a few seconds then I hop on my NEW BIKE and let the wind play with the hair that hangs down from my helmet baby! I'm telling everyone one here - WHO CARES what anyone things about your body. YOU are the only one who counts. GET UP AND MOVE IT ALL AROUND! Ya aint movin' if it aint jigglin'! I know, cuz I have lots o loose skin and I jiggle lots still too! (God, I'm almost as disgusting as Richard Simmons) Every one of you looks great to me!

God Bless!


Anonymous said...

I'm 24 years old, two children and expecting in June, married two years in February and feels like a a cow. My recent weight is 225, I stand at 5,8 and I'm as huge as a house. My husband calls me fat constantly and I don't know what to do. I felt as if when I met him I was beautiful and slim, but after I had his children I've gained so much weight and I know I discust him. I recently lost 40 pounds but soon after learned I was pregnant again and has put back on the weight and now the name callings have began again, I love my husband, but I can't stand the constant name callings. It makes me feel horrible, what should I do???

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous,
Yous should sit down and have a talkt to your husband about how your comments are making you feel, while men do say some really insensitive things sometimes (it's just in their nature), it's not ok for him to make you feel miserable on purpose and on an ongoing basis. Frequently, people who have confidence issues themselves try and put down those around them just to make themselves feel better about their life. However, it is not ok to do that at someone else's expense, especially if this someone else is your close loved one, who can't always just shrug off your comments as they mite those of a stranger. My husband used to be very stressed and took a lot out on me, and in the end it turned out he needed to go on anti depressant medication, because his body was having difficulty dealing with all the stresses that were going on at the time, even tho not necessarily related to me. He became a different person after this and it saved our marriage, as we were living in different houses on a separated basis at that stage.
It's sometimes a lot easier for a woman to sit down and initiate this type of discussion that it is for the man, so you can try to sit down and ask him why he feels the need to put you down on a frequent basis and whether there is anything you mite need to discuss.
Afterall, otherwise it wouldn't be very fair to you, your unborn baby or your children to constantly feel the negative impact of his comments, as it affects you emotionally and physiologically more than you can imagine.
All the best,

Anonymous said...

Sorry, meant to say "HIS comments making YOU feel" not YOUR comments making YOU feel" as that did not really make sense in the first sentence of the previous passage.