#23 - Backaches!

I hate that when I'm this heavy, I always have a backache. I know I'm getting older, and many folks complain of having a backache, but I know mine is directly related to being fat. When I was 70 pounds lighter two years ago, I did not suffer from backaches. I especially hate it when I'm cooking or cleaning around the house. After about 15 minutes of standing up, my back feels like it's on fire! This really makes it hard to start an exercise program. Every time I do ANYTHING, my back hurts! How am I supposed to go walking or running if I can't even stand up very long without having pain? This is a huge motivation for losing weight. I just remember two years ago when I had lost that 70 pounds, that my backaches were never an issue. I totally forgot about all the back pain until I gained all this weight back. It's totally a nuisance! Note to self: lose weight so I can stand up for more than 15 minutes!!!

My "try" to eat healthy plan is really working. I've just been trying to eat less, snack less, make better choices, drink more water, and eat more fruits and veggies. Just doing this has allowed me to easily lose 12 pounds in the past two weeks or so. I'm trying not to obsess about tracking my weight. Every time I get crazy about weight loss, all I do is think about food and my plan backfires! So now, I'm just making little goals, like - lose 5 pounds. But this time, I'm not imposing time limits on myself. I usually make lofty goals like - lose 5 pounds in two weeks. This always fails! Inevitably, I don't lose the weight in the allotted time and I feel bad about myself and then gain the weight back. I've actually been pissed at myself when I've only lost 1 or 2 pounds in a week! How stupid is that? I'm still losing, just not as fast as my stupid little goal. So this time, I'm making sure I realize any weight lost is a success. There needn't be any time restriction on weight loss. Hell, it took me more than 15 years to gain it all, why on Earth do I think I can lose it all in less than a year?!? So, I have lost 12 pounds now and I don't care how long it took me! My goal , for now, is to lose 5 more. That's it. I'm not going to plan way far into the future! I'm happy that I'm losing now!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

Just wanted to let you know I "feel your pain." Literally. I haven't heard anyone want to actually talk about being fat, and the absolute misery that it can put one through. I have exactly the same problem with the backaches. I have even hurt my back by being so fat that I had to call in sick, and couldn't walk right for a few days. Why are you the only one who dares to talk about these things???????? Why are people so insensitive about it??? I am not happy being fat, and neither am I advocating being fat, like a fat militant, but I do know that people around me have no trouble eating normally and staying the same weight, while I can eat normally and keep gaining!!! I feel like a freak of nature. I even had a guy break up with me because of gaining weight. I could go on and on. I am glad to say I don't have any addictions to pretty much anything, even food. But people assume that you eat constantly when you're obese. That's simply not true. In fact, when I counted how many calories I had consumed one day, I realized I haven't been eating enough!! Amazing. I'm not trying to hate on anybody, but skinny people REAAAAAALLLLY don't get it. And other fat people aren't supportive either, usually. One woman (who had been fat most of her life until she had her stomach stapled) actually asked me very rudely, "So when are you going to let everyone know?" I innocently replied, "Know what?" And she said, "That you're pregnant!" I can't believe anyone would be so rude as to do that. Well, now that I've been "pregnant" for two years, and no baby to show for it, I guess people actually believe that I'm not really pregnant. Forget about clothes. It's all elastic waistbands for me. God I hate it. I truly do feel your pain, and I hope that you continue to lose weight, as I am trying to do, just so that we don't hate it so much anymore. I don't hate myself either, but I do hate the physical problems that spring up when you gain so much weight that you have to: literally roll out of bed, have special seats in the shower to help you, can't cross legs, can't avoid people making comments about what you are eating, etc. etc. Maybe we should start threatening those people with bodily harm if they don't stop commenting on those things. Or, find something to pick on them about. I guess that's not really how it should go down, but I am feeling rather fiesty today.
Anyhoo, THANK YOU VERRRRY MUCH for being so brave as to voice in a blog what so many others of us are feeling, not only physically, but emotionlly as well.

Keep on keeping on!