7.24.2006

#22 - Name Calling

Long time, no blog! It's been a while since I've updated my blog. But I'm back by popular demand (*thanks* AD). So I've managed to stay 10 pounds down on the scale - ok really I gained the 12 pounds I'd lost back and then relost 10 of them. Oh well, the yo-yo continues! I really want to go back to Weight Watchers, but money is SUPER tight right now, so I've got to do it on my own for a bit yet. A structured program really helps me lose weight easier, but I'll give it a go on my own now. My current self-imposed program consists of "trying" to watch what I eat - that's about it. So far so good, though. I've lost about 10 pounds in about 2 weeks or so. Yea me!

OK so back to the blog topic: name calling. I really haven't encountered this too much lately. But when thinking about why I hate being fat, I recall particular episodes in my life. Don't get me wrong - people call me names - just not to my face. I can walk around in public and see someone make eye-contact with me, then turn to their significant other or friend and whisper a comment. It's so blatantly obvious and hurtful. But wtf, what can you do? I recall a specific time when I was in college, I was on vacation in Chicago with my boyfriend, and we were visiting all the local tourist haunts. We were walking into Shedd Aquarium and passed by a few buses of school children, clearly leaving the aquarium after a field trip. As I walked past the bus, a couple boys opened the bus window, leaned out and shouted, "Moooooo". Isn't that nice? I loved being mocked by little kids, who are inventive enough to imitate a cow in my presence. Nice! But you know, kids are kids, you can't blame them for everything. The thing that gets to me the most about this episode is the fact that it gets to me this much. Still, after almost 15 years, I clearly remember the sting of that comment. How one little kid took my self esteem and squashed it. For this reason, I hate being fat!

7 comments:

Sandy said...

Hey sweetie, Auntie Sandy here... Been catching up on your blogs. Just know that your beauty inside and OMG, your intelligence and your awesome personality more than outweigh (no pun intended) your weight. I know you have willpower and things such as weight loss will happen when the timing is right. I'm still praying that the band removal improves your recurring meningitis 'syndrome' or diagnosis? I haven't had a more loving or fun niece in my lifetime, and although I do know you need to face the facts and the hurt you've had to deal with from being overweight; please know in your heart that those who have loved you so much as a little girl, love you even more as a beautiful young woman and see no difference. Somewhere there is the perfect man for you regardless what weight you're at. I know the problems and worries are different between us if we're only going to talk about body size, but honey, I face many, many insecurities myself and have to question other people's comments on a daily basis and sometimes just assume that they're trying to be nice to me. Most women need to learn how to change their own hurtful thoughts about their insecurities about their bodies and their complexions, their hair, etc. (Just for laughs, kiddo, I have menopausal whiskers popping and the usual shaved hair areas are disappearing! LOL!) I think you're beautiful no matter what size, but I support you and will pray for a healthy, comfortable weight loss. Love you! Auntie Sandy

Bri said...

I understand how you feel. I worked at Wal-Mart in 2004 and there, you were these ugly-vest things called "smocks." Well, this guy was talking to me (a customer) and he asked if I was pregnant. I was like, "No! I look pregnant?!" Ok, he's a jack-ass because you never EVER assume a woman is pregnant unless it so painfully obvious. But this still sucks to think about. I remember having to work the rest of my shift, completely torn about being called pregnant. HOW EMBARRASSING! I look pregnant to people, awesome. Not!

Anonymous said...

I'm a year late in reading this post but I just want to say that people (men frequently) ALWAYS comment on women's weight. I live in NYC, and I think it's more "dangerous" here because very few people are fat and many people are crazy. I will never forget a homeless man who said 'Hey chubby' to me when I was walking home a year ago. It was like the voice in my head that I try to silence.

fra said...

oh my freaking gosh... i totally AM you xD some 15 year olds leaned out of the bus while i was walking on the streetwalk with my friend talking and they shouted "hey, mammoth!" ....i could have cried right there.. but waited until that night at home .__.

Erin said...

I know what you mean. I was at the beach with my bf some years ago. And some teenage girls said really loudly "Look at that big Fatass" -.-

Anonymous said...

This is super late, but I had to put in my two cents and I am positive people still read your blog. When I was younger, maybe 13 or 14, my friend's brother called me a freight train with a nose. At the time I busted up laughing becuase, really? That's the best he could come up with? But since then it has continued to sting...

william said...

I know. Being called fat really sucks. I play sports and work out and I'm still overweight. At least people think I am. When people call me fat I pretty much say I'm done and I get into a fight. I'm strong and people get hurt for lowering my self esteem. We just have to stand up for our selfsame. I don't choose to be this way I just am. It's nothing to end your life over but it can definitely hurt someone and it can sting for years.