#91 - Not feeling comfortable in my own skin
It’s so sad, there once was a time in my life when I was so comfortable with myself. I never thought about what others were thinking about me, I wasn’t plagued with thoughts of self-doubt, I didn’t hide in the shadows hoping people wouldn’t take a notice of me. Frankly, I was pretty happy-go-lucky plodding along in my existence not paying attention to these kinds of things. But when I’m fat I am so utterly uncomfortable in my own skin, it’s almost painful… we’ll I guess it really is painful.. emotionally at least. And no, being comfortable in my own skin doesn’t mean I need to be a size 2 or anything. I was quite comfortable even at heavy times when I was taking really good care of my self like exercising, eating right, and taking vitamins, despite still being heavy. I guess that’s what it’s really about though, isn’t it? It’s not the physical reason of being fat that makes us uncomfortable.. it’s the mental and emotional reasons behind the fat that make us miserable. And when I’m doing the right thing for my body (the working out and healthy eating) I really do start to feel great about myself again. It ties all into that mind body connection. Take care of the body and your mind starts to feel great! We all got fat for some reason, and for most of us it was emotional. I’ve always said you need to get your mind into a better state to really tackle weight loss, but maybe that isn’t the best approach after all. How can you get into a happy place when your body is just wearing you down and weighing you down.. physically and emotionally? I think starting to eat right and exercise is key no matter how fat, how depressed, how miserable you are. Over time, something magical starts to happen in your brain… maybe a few happy endorphins from the exercise, less blood sugar and mood crashes by eating better, and hell.. you start to lose a little weight.. the clothes get a little loose.. damn, if that doesn’t shoot you through the roof I don’t what will. Guess it’s all about a step by step process… and the first steps are by far the hardest, but you just have to do it. It’s really a feedback loop in your body… fat, sad, and depressed now… work at it… get a little less fat, sad, and depressed… work at it more… gets a little easier… even less fat, sad and depressed… and it just keeps snowballing. But it’s the starting that’s key. There will never be a “best time” to get healthy. You WILL feel like crap when you start. I had hit my rock bottom when I started this weight loss journey. I just couldn’t stand being in my own skin anymore. You know, even though I’ve lost 65 pounds, I’m looking better, feeling better; I’m still not comfortable in my own skin. Yes it’s getting better, but I’m not there yet. I just have to keep plugging away, not beat myself up when I have set backs, and always look to the future. Because I know, one day I’m going to wake up and not even think about all this stuff anymore. Someday I’ll just be comfortable and content with me. I know that day is coming and I can’t wait for it!