4.19.2008

#91 - Not feeling comfortable in my own skin

It’s so sad, there once was a time in my life when I was so comfortable with myself. I never thought about what others were thinking about me, I wasn’t plagued with thoughts of self-doubt, I didn’t hide in the shadows hoping people wouldn’t take a notice of me. Frankly, I was pretty happy-go-lucky plodding along in my existence not paying attention to these kinds of things. But when I’m fat I am so utterly uncomfortable in my own skin, it’s almost painful… we’ll I guess it really is painful.. emotionally at least. And no, being comfortable in my own skin doesn’t mean I need to be a size 2 or anything. I was quite comfortable even at heavy times when I was taking really good care of my self like exercising, eating right, and taking vitamins, despite still being heavy. I guess that’s what it’s really about though, isn’t it? It’s not the physical reason of being fat that makes us uncomfortable.. it’s the mental and emotional reasons behind the fat that make us miserable. And when I’m doing the right thing for my body (the working out and healthy eating) I really do start to feel great about myself again. It ties all into that mind body connection. Take care of the body and your mind starts to feel great! We all got fat for some reason, and for most of us it was emotional. I’ve always said you need to get your mind into a better state to really tackle weight loss, but maybe that isn’t the best approach after all. How can you get into a happy place when your body is just wearing you down and weighing you down.. physically and emotionally? I think starting to eat right and exercise is key no matter how fat, how depressed, how miserable you are. Over time, something magical starts to happen in your brain… maybe a few happy endorphins from the exercise, less blood sugar and mood crashes by eating better, and hell.. you start to lose a little weight.. the clothes get a little loose.. damn, if that doesn’t shoot you through the roof I don’t what will. Guess it’s all about a step by step process… and the first steps are by far the hardest, but you just have to do it. It’s really a feedback loop in your body… fat, sad, and depressed now… work at it… get a little less fat, sad, and depressed… work at it more… gets a little easier… even less fat, sad and depressed… and it just keeps snowballing. But it’s the starting that’s key. There will never be a “best time” to get healthy. You WILL feel like crap when you start. I had hit my rock bottom when I started this weight loss journey. I just couldn’t stand being in my own skin anymore. You know, even though I’ve lost 65 pounds, I’m looking better, feeling better; I’m still not comfortable in my own skin. Yes it’s getting better, but I’m not there yet. I just have to keep plugging away, not beat myself up when I have set backs, and always look to the future. Because I know, one day I’m going to wake up and not even think about all this stuff anymore. Someday I’ll just be comfortable and content with me. I know that day is coming and I can’t wait for it!

26 comments:

airlie said...

I am so glad that you are back and we all understand how hard a time you have had in the past few months - but I am glad that you did not give up on us and I am even happier that you didn't give up on you!!!

hugs

Anonymous said...

So you have maintained that weight loss then? after all that hardship? congratualtions, thats very strong of you honey. AS far as your continued weight loss goes, being thin, is truly amazing. If you get 45 minutes of joy from eating in a day, and sorrow all the rest,it's not worth it. it's true that when your thin, your happiness skyrockets! Not that all your problems magically go away, but every second of every day, is that much more enjoyable. What is life, if you cant have happiness, and comfort, true comfort.

Let_It_Go said...

So glad to see you back. I am at that place where I am getting started....again. You hit the nail on the head with this post! Have a great week!

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE AMAZING

Anonymous said...

you know what? you really are an amazing blogger.

Katie Morton said...

Thank you so much for coming back. I'm really glad you're okay.

Sheri said...

I am also glad you've made it back. Your post today is exactly where I am at for a while now. I struggle to "Just Do It". I have been able to figure out why that's such a struggle, but its been this way for quite some time. Its like there's an invisible barrier between me and "Just Doing It" and I don't know why.

trillie said...

Thanks for a great post. "Not feeling comfortable" really sums it up. I just noticed I am really back at that stupid "feeling like crap, so why should I care"-point... I'm not feeling comfortable. I'm jumping back in right now!

Oh, and also: So glad you're back! :o)

Megan said...

Hi! I'm a new reader, and just wanted to say GREAT JOB on your weight loss. It's so great to see people succeeding. You've inspired me to start writing about my own weight loss journey. Keep up the good work, and remember to BELIEVE that you're beautiful and capable of anything you set your heart to.

Michelle said...

Wow, I am glad I found your blog. I wish you all the best thru this hard, hard time. YOu have inspired me. I am starting my own weight loss/health blog today!!

iCANdothis said...

hi i'm glad you're back! im back too! and i know exactly what you're talking about... but i think you are awesome to keep on truckin past all the awful things that have happened to you recently. :)

Prickly Pear said...

I'd feel comfortable in my own skin if it weren't hanging from my triceps and my belly! :(

fatfreakout said...

What an inspiring blog!

The fat acceptance movement is a frightening thing to me. They're succeeding, and that's harmful to everyone.

Anonymous said...

I can't help but wonder why fatfreakout thinks it is frightening that some larger men and women might be okay with themselves. What a refreshing change in our culture.

jj said...

You've got such a great attitude, I know you'll find that contenment again! I think many of us can totally relate to your feelings, too. It's awful but it does take more than looks to make a good person, and that's far more important anyway. Best of success to you!

Flabuless said...

great to see you back! and in control...when drama's strike in our life its so easy to loose focus and motivation...I am there right now. I know I need to get happening again...but sometimes it just seems so difficult...You are an inspiration.
:) flabuless

Habit Guide said...

I think you're absolutely right. It's about taking baby steps, then everything affects everything else. A few little 'wins' and you start to feel better about other areas of your life. When you just start getting even a small amount of exercise I find it really helps relieve feeling down. It's really important to make very small changes and then consolidate them for a while. Overnight transformations just don't work. Slow and steady wins the race. Take care ~ James, habitguide.com

Anonymous said...

Ive lost only 40ish lbs and it will be 2 years at it by the end of summer. The main issue is never eating or what to eat its the getting stuck that really kills my spirit. I know that no matter what if I never stop getting up and getting back on the right track that I will make it, someday. Its hard. You are a true inspiration

manda31 said...

I am glad to see that you are back, and I feel the same as your post. I am so not comfortable in my skin, and I am pretty miserable right now, I need to get out of this depressed rut.

Thanks for the honesty.

RunningNan said...

I agree. I'm addicted to the high I get from running. I'm glad you are back!

Fun and my diet said...

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Jem said...

I am so glad to see you back and that you did not give up! You are a true inspiration to me! :)

Regards
JWard

http://www.fastfatlossproductreviews.blogspot.com

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If you really are doing something active at the moment, no matter what it is, you are digressing from your sad thoughts. And when you are doing something (for example exercises) which is directly connected with these sad thoughts the result is much better of course.

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