#56 - Fat bigots

Fat is one of the last socially acceptable prejudices. We have politically correct names for everything. People aren't retarded, they're mentally challenged. You can't call someone a cripple, they're handicapped. We don't call 'em poor people anymore, now they're low-income. Even crazy people are now schizophrenic or bipolar or manic depressive. What about fat? Nope, no politically correct terminology here, just fat. People aren't allowed to be bigots anymore, at least not in public. But this doesn't hold true for fat. I mean, who hasn't heard a fat joke recently?

Fat people are totally discriminated against in the workplace. Did you know that fat people earn significantly less money than thin people (about $6000 less/year!)? If employers are given a choice between hiring a well qualified heavy person versus a less qualified thin person, they will most likely hire the thin person. The reasons behind this are that fat people will make the company look bad. This hiring discrimination is particularly true for high exposure jobs such as receptionist or sales, where the employee would frequently come into contact with the public. Also, fat people tend to have higher incidences of disease (like diabetes and heart disease) and will therefore theoretically miss more work, leading to reduced productivity. Also, all those visits to the doctor will cost the employer more in health care costs. So really, it all come down to the almighty dollar - fat people cost too much, either through increased health care costs, reduced productivity or the fact that your obesity will repulse and turn away all potential clients. I was reading this article about fat discrimination in the journal Obesity the other day and I had to quote them. "Overweight employees are assumed to lack self-discipline, be lazy, less conscientious, less competent, sloppy, disagreeable, and emotionally unstable. Obese employees are also believed to think slower, have poorer attendance records, and be poor role models" (Puhl et al., 2001). Doesn't that just hit you with a ton of bricks? That really hits me. Can you believe this is what people think? It really hurts to hear this, but it makes me want to change my appearance. So I guess these misconceptions, however negative, are motivating.

I think the major misconception of fat people is that they are lazy, stupid people that eat like pigs. In fact, obese people often eat less than thin people (of course it also means they're probably exercising less too). This ignorance doesn't take into account genetics or aliments. Being fat is seen as a life-style choice. So the thought is: you brought this on yourself so you are a totally acceptable target for ridicule. It's the blame game. You made yourself fat so you'll have to deal with discrimination. Too bad. I didn't purposefully subscribe to the super-size me plan. Weight comes on gradually. 5 pounds here, 10 pounds there, up and up by little increments until, before you know it, you hit 200 or 300 or more. I didn't choose to be fat. For me it was a combination of lack of exercise, genetics, insulin insensitivity (hypoglycemia - which forces me to eat frequently), a bad habit of emotional eating, and a love for chocolaty good desserts. I wish I would have known that if I would have committed a little more effort to diet and exercise as a young person, I could have avoided obesity in the first place. Obesity wasn't a choice, it just happened.

By no means am I running out and joining my nearest fat acceptance association. I hate being fat! For some reason these fat loving organizations make me cringe. It's true, becoming fat isn't a choice, BUT you do have a choice to do something about it and change. It's not healthy to be fat. You'll have bad joints, and probably end up with diabetes, heart disease or a stroke. I just can't condone the idea of loving being fat. Don't get me wrong, I love myself, I just don't love my fat. There is nothing wrong with learning to love yourself no matter what weight you are, but becoming complacent and deciding you'll be fat forever doesn't seem right. I just hate it when I hear about a fat person trying to get disability. It took simple changes in our diet and activity that caused us to get fat, so it should take simple changes to lose weight. Sure little changes won't result in dramatic and fast weight loss, but over time you'll get healthy. It doesn't need to become a disability. I hate to say it, but I think I often buy into these stereotypes of the obese. When I see someone much fatter than me, I think to myself, "Why can't they just eat less and exercise?" I'm sure everyone thinner than me thinks the exact same thing about me.

Fat bigots aren't going away. They will be there forever. I guess we just need to ignore their ridicule and gain strength from their evil comments and agendas. But I guess, in the end, if you want a job or a raise or a promotion you'd better lose some weight!

I love lists!

Clearly I'm one to make lists, as this blog so obviously conveys. But I also makes lots and lots of lists in my everyday life. Grocery list, to do list, wish list, work to do list, my goal list, etc., etc. So I was browsing the net today and came across an article that I thought deserved mentioning, since it was, you guessed it, a list. Yahoo news had this article from Prevention Magazine about the 100 Smartest Diet Tips Ever. They've complied a list of common sense tips regarding weight loss. We've heard most of these before, but they're definitely worth reviewing from time to time to help jump start a stagnating diet plan or bust through a plateau. My favorite is #3 "Resolve never to supersize your food portions - unless you want to supersize your clothes". Anyway, it's a great list, take a peek.

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I've been having a lot of fun using a virtual weight simulator. You've probably seen these before, but if you haven't it's fun! How do you like my before and afters? I'm already 28 pounds down from the before, so I'm definitely still a work in progress.

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So I've been using this AWESOME free online diet program for the past few weeks, Spark People. Maybe you saw the little button show up on the right recently. In the past I've used Weight Watchers Online, but money is super tight, so I couldn't fork out the cash for a diet plan. I was referred to Spark People by other diet bloggers, who very enthusiastically recommended them. I was reluctant, I mean how great could it be? And what's with the name, Spark People? It sounds like some kind of cult or something. But I decided to try it and it turns out it's super great! My fellow web-dieters were right. You can track your nutrition, they have a huge list of food comparable to WW Online, Nutrition Data, and Calorie-Count. You can track your fitness, not only cardio, but also strength training. But best of all, is that they supply a diet plan (a very reasonable calorie range), meal plans (for those of us with little creativity when dieting), and a fitness plan (it's like a personal trainer). They have tons of articles on nutrition, fitness, motivation, health and wellbeing. They have a huge community with lots of supportive message boards covering virtually every topic. You can even join a team and lose weight together. They have a great selection of healthy recipes, and they even have a recipe builder so you can calculate the calories in your favorite homemade sticky buns! And what does all of this cost? Nothing! It's free! They have private sponsors, so yes, there are ads. But hey, it's free! So I'm joining the ranks of my fellow bloggers and shouting from the rooftops about this great website. Check it out, I bet you'll love it. And you know what? They have lots and lots of lists. I love it!

#55 - I'm too young to feel this old!

Stiff joints, bad knees, short of breath, weak, tires easily, not able to walk long distances, issues with blood sugar control, and high blood pressure. Does this sound like the description of a 32 year old woman? It is. It's me! I am way too young to feel this damn old! I should be running around enjoying the prime of my life. Instead, I need to rest and conserve my energy as I deal with health issues (health issues brought upon me from excess weight). How did I ever let my weight get this out of control? It's like all this weight mysteriously sneaked up on me. Didn't I notice I was starting to have health problems? Or did I get fat first, and then the problems showed up? I just can't remember. I have fat amnesia. "Doctor, I just don't know how it happened. I don't remember gaining any weight. I was 150 one day, 300 the next. What happened to me?" I fear this amnesia has cost me my youth. I'm to the point now where I don't remember being young and healthy. How sad.

I was at the doctor today for a check up on my high blood pressure. Good news, my new exercise and diet regime has allowed me to drop my blood pressure 10 points in two weeks. Yeah exercise! I say 'yeah' because my success means I don't need to go on blood pressure meds. Anyway, as I was sitting in the waiting room I watched an elderly couple pass by, the little woman shuffling along with her husband following behind slowly with his cane. I shit you not, as I watched the old man walk by I actually thought to myself, 'Man, a cane would make walking so much easier.' Are you kidding me? I was actually jealous of this poor 80 year old man with the cane? Have I gotten so fat and lazy that I think walking with a cane would help me out? Lunacy! Pure lunacy. What's next? Will I fantasize about using a walker? Yeah that's it. I've got the perfect million dollar idea: market walkers to the obese. Who wants to rely on their own muscle power to walk when you can make it so much easier with a walker? But what should I call it? The Chubby Strider? The Fat-So-Glide? The Stout Waddler? I really hate the idea of products that help accommodate the obese. I know, I should be a little more compassionate. Some fat people really do need specialized products to help them cope with life. But ultimately losing weight would mean those special products wouldn't be needed in the first place. So, yeah, in principle I hate these fat products. I don't ever want to use a walker, that is, unless I'm 90 or something and still kickin'.

I'm never going to feel younger unless I get this weight issue under control. I really have been working hard to eat better, limiting simple carbs, eating more fruits and veggies and lean meats. And I've started exercising again. I got a new elliptical trainer in my house which is turning out to be a lot of fun. It's so easy to squeeze a little exercise in while watching TV. I've also started doing some strength training. More muscle = more calories burned. I'm starting small, I'm starting slow, but hey, at least I'm starting. I think when you look at big goals, like losing 50 or 100 or 150 pounds, it seems impossible. How can you lose so much weight? But then if you make really small goals, like eat healthier, exercise a little, weight loss will eventually come. I think a lot of people race to lose their weight, losing 3+ pounds a week. Like those people on Biggest Loser. They lose 10-20 pounds a week! That seems great and all, but what will happen to them 5 years from now? Experts say slow, steady weight loss is more likely maintainable, while rapid losers usually gain their weight back. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to focus on health and wellbeing right now. If I adopt healthy behaviors I will lose weight, albeit slowly, but surely. I hope that my slow and steady method will mean that I will be able to maintain a healthy weight. I know that if I keep working at it, one day I'll feel young again!

#54 - Not being able to go to a spa

OK, I guess I could go to a spa, but I really wouldn't be comfortable at all . My achy body longs for a deep Swedish massage, but I would just never do it. I mean seriously, do I really want to get naked in front of some stranger at my weight? I have a whole host of reasons why I wouldn't go to a spa in addition to the fear of having people view my blubbery nakedness. Like, would the massage table be able to hold my weight? I'm serious! I worry that I'd hop up on the the table only to crash down to the floor with a ground shaking thud. I know, it's stupid. But still, I worry. And what would a spa charge me for a massage? Would they charge more for extra square footage? I guess it would take a technician longer to massage my big body, right? Again, silly, I know. And what would the technician be thinking as they walk into my room. "Oh God, another heifer!" I would hate to be the fat one all the masseurs talked about on their coffee break. Another thing is that at my weight it's hard to reach my back when scrubbing down with the loofah in the shower. I worry that if I got a massage the technician may encounter some bacne (back acne). Again, stupid, irrational, but something I think about. And I think of those teeny tiny robes they have which I would never fit into. This reminds me of a time I went to this posh salon, where they have you change into robes and slippers and pamper you like crazy. I was MUCH thinner then (like 75 pounds thinner). I went into the little dressing room, got undressed and put on the little robe. I could barely tie the robe shut. Every time I moved, the robe would pucker open to show off my boobs (I was wearing a bra though). I was so self-conscious the whole time they cut my hair. I held the robe shut the entire time I was in the salon. I just couldn't wait for the pampering to end, it was miserable! So I think of going to a spa or salon like that now at my current weight, and I think that they would NEVER have a teeny tiny robe to fit me. So yep, it keeps me from going to the spa.

It's so stupid, but my weight even keeps me away from the nail salon. What, I have fat nails? No, it's just that I hate having the technicians paw at my little sausage fingers. It's embarrassing. I guess I'm just uncomfortable in pretty much any public situation. I'm just nervous having to sit on their chairs - are they sturdy enough? I'm embarrassed to be around all those skinny women, clients and technicians - I always think they're looking at and judging my fat physique. And the complimentary neck massage? Torture! I keep thinking about their hands on my fat neck, thinking 'what are they thinking about my fat neck?'. I just don't want people touching me. Going to a salon or spa is supposed to be this amazingly relaxing experience, but for me, it's torture. I've been trying to come up with things to reward myself with as I lose weight. You know, lose 5 pounds, get a manicure. But these traditional rewards are no reward for me. So what am I supposed to reward myself with? I can only give myself so many bubble baths! I guess going to the spa will have to be a reward for when I'm closer to goal.

#53 - The waddle

I hate that when I'm this heavy I waddle. You know the walk, somewhere between the walk of a pregnant woman and a duck. No disrespect to pregnant women, you can't help that you waddle. I, on the other hand, am the cause of my waddling saunter. I mean really, I feel like a Weeble. Remember Weebles? "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down." Those toy people with the rounded base, so they wobble around when you play with them. That's pretty much how feel. When I'm walking around, and I think someone is watching, I try desperately hard to walk perfectly straight. That really irritates me, that I worry about how I look when I walk. I know the source of my Charlie Chaplin-esque walk, it's my big belly. To support the Buddha belly, I think I lean back a bit; therefore when I walk forward, I waddle. How stupid! And I know that the more tired I am, the more pronounced the waddle. I guess we get lazy lugging all this fat around.

I know this reason fits into a long line of my - fat - makes - me - self - conscious - self - esteem - issues, but still, it really annoys me! I mean don't I have enough to worry about being fat, now I have to worry about the fact that I waddle like a duck, too. Remember the days of being taught to walk perfectly straight, being able to place a book on your head without it falling? I think I would fail miserably at that task right now. But I think that's what makes us so self-conscious. We envision runway models, tall, lean, poised and able to walk confidently in a perfectly straight line. I guess we're all aspiring to attain that confident model walk. But then when you step out all confident, thinking you could do anything, then you start to waddle; it kind of crushes those poised aspirations. I guess that's what it really comes down to. I just don't feel poised or elegant when I'm this heavy. How can I be? I think the words 'poised' and 'elegant' go hand in hand with 'long' and 'lean', not 'pudgy' and 'stout'. So I guess reason #53 should be, more eloquently, that I hate that it's impossible to be poised and elegant when I'm fat.

#52 - The power food has over me!

I'm staying home from work today since it's a bit of a snow day. Actually it's a sleet day, and I don't want to drive on the slippery streets. So I'm sitting here eating my breakfast, and I start to think about what I want to make for dinner tonight. Then I think that since it's so cold, maybe it would be nice to have the oven on and bake something. But what about lunch? What should I make for lunch? Then it occurs to me. It's 9 am and I'm already planning my food day, I mean my snow day. I hate the power food has over me. I always seem to be thinking about and planning my next meal. Whether or not I'm on a diet, food is front and center in my life. I hate that! I think a lot of people blissfully float through the day only thinking of food when their tummies begin to grumble. I would love to be like that! It really is days like today that I need to fight off the need to graze all day long. That's probably true for many people. You're home, you're bored, you eat. Maybe instead of planning my food day I should be planning to do other stuff around the house to keep me busy. Maybe it's time to knit some socks, or maybe I should organize my office, there's always laundry, or even cleaning the cat box. Whatever I do, I really need to try to keep myself busy today! Hopefully I can't distract my brain from constantly thinking about food.

But it's not just boredom that makes me reach for yummy treats, it's pretty much any emotion. Are you like this too? Do you find yourself reaching for chips when you're sad, mad, glad, or, frankly, feeling any other emotion? I sure do! I think this behavior gets set up early in life, at least it did for me. Woo hoo, you got an A on your report card; let's go out to eat. Ah your boyfriend broke up you; have a cupcake. I know you're stressed out trying get your paper done; let me fix you something to eat. This probably started out with my parents and grandparents giving me treats when I needed comforting, but eventually I learned to self-medicate with food myself. We probably get introduced to emotion eating from celebrations. We always have special cakes on our birthdays, or a special treat for a job well done like getting a good report card or scoring a goal for the soccer team. We eat for these good emotions. We're happy, excited, elated. Then someone eventually gives us something to eat to help us heal. You're sick? Here's some chicken soup. You're sad? Here's some cookies. So these friendly gestures ended up turning into me trying to fix my emotional issues with food. I'm sad, I need a cookie. I'm stressed out, I need some chips. I'm bored, I need to go look in the cupboards for something to eat. I'm tired, I need something to eat then I'll feel more energy. Somewhere along the line I went from saying "I want something to eat", to saying "I NEED something to eat". Food has become this guiding force in my life. It's taken over a big part of me. I hate that! I hate that food has such a power over me!

So what can I do? I guess I need to re-learn how to cope with emotions. Like today, I'm bored, therefore I need to find ways to keep myself busy. And if I do bake something today? Well, then I need to eat whatever I make in moderation - no half a pan of brownies for me! Most of all I can't beat myself up if I do end up turning to food sometimes. It's gonna happen. If I feel guilty about it, I'll probably self-destruct and just eat more. I guess I just need to take baby steps. Try not to let food dominate my life. Listen to music if I'm sad. Workout if I'm frustrated. Knit or clean or read when I'm bored. And to celebrate? Well I'm still gonna have cake on my birthday! You can't give up food in every situation.

#51 - Feeling like my life is on hold

I think many of us heavy-set folk feel like we're not fully participating in life. It's like the fat has put us on hold. I know this is true for many people in different walks of life, thick or thin, but I think it's particularly true for fat people. I definitely say things like, when I'm thinner, I'll do this or I'll do that. But I think I have other circumstances that put my life on hold too. I'm still in school at 32, so I feel like I've been perpetually in school since I was 5 years old. That has really put my adult life on hold. I'm not married, I don't own a home, I don't yet have a job. I think these things also contribute to me feeling like my life is on hold. But I think the main reason I put things off is my weight. I think I impose many many limits on what I can and can't do, solely based on my weight. Why is this?

I know it's easy to put things off because of a limitation like being fat, but really, is it just an excuse not to live? Do we get so wrapped up in our weight or our weight loss that we stop participating in the world around us? I know that people with addictions tend to recoil from the world, getting lost in their substance abuse or unhealthy lifestyle. Is being fat the same thing? Have I recoiled from the world, unable to fully participate in the world around me because I'm fat? My question is, why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it the embarrassment of being fat in a thin world, knowing people look at you different? Is it because you're just so tired lugging all this fat around that you don't have the energy to do anything more than you have to? I don't know. For me, I think it's a little of both of these reasons, embarrassment and lack of energy.

I think it's easy to live in the future. When I get married then I'll... When I graduate I'll... When I have a job... When I move... When I lose weight... Maybe I shouldn't be so worried that me life is on hold. It's not! I'm alive aren't I? I'm living my life everyday, don't I? What's on hold? Sure, I have dreams and aspirations, but my fat isn't holding me back from these things. I'll graduate, I'll get a job, I'll move somewhere, I'll probably even get married someday. And I'll be able to do ALL of these things whether I'm fat or thin. I think we have to remember the now. To be happy now. To enjoy life now. To live life now. Sure we might be fat, but we can still be happy with our lives no matter what the scale says. Don't let anything hold you back!

#50 - High Blood Pressure

I hate that at this weight I have high blood pressure. I know it doesn't seem like such a big deal, but it really shows how out of shape and unhealthy my body really is. My poor body is screaming for me to lose weight, and so far I've been ignoring the warning signs. Recently my blood pressure has been creeping up and up. I noticed that I get flushed really easily, especially in the afternoons. Today I checked my blood pressure while having one of these flushes, and it was 170/110! Christ that's high! I've always been borderline high blood pressure, hovering in the 130/85-150/95 range. But 170/110, that's real high blood pressure. There's nothing borderline about that (note: normal blood pressure is 120/80, with high blood pressure over 140/90). I definitely haven't been drinking enough water lately, and I know I'm eating way too much salt, and I recently went back on birth control pills (which in the past have notoriously raised my bp), but I'm sure my weight is a big part of the problem.

Most people don't worry about their blood pressure until they've had some kind of problem like a heart attack or stroke or something. I'm starting to pay attention now, because I don't want to be one of those statistics. You know the ones, fat 30-somethings dying from weight-related causes. I think of famous people that have died from obesity, and it makes me worried that as I get older I'm dodging death everyday. Chris Farley died at 33. He died of a drug overdose, but his autopsy revealed heart disease was a major underlying factor in his death. John Candy died in his sleep at 43 from a massive heart attack due to his obesity. Cass Elliot (AKA Mama Cass) was rumored to have died choking on a ham sandwich, but her autopsy showed that she too died of a massive heart attack. She was 32. She was 5'5". She was over 300 pounds. That terrifies me! I'm 32, I'm 5'6", and I'm just shy of 300 pounds. I'm a ticking time bomb. My health has not been great in the past couple years, and I wonder if my weight is part of the reason. This scares me.

I am working hard to make changes in my life now. I'm keeping a food journal everyday. I'm watching my portions. I'm trying to get in some exercise (which will hopefully increase greatly when my new elliptical trainer arrives). I'm trying to drink lots of water everyday. I'm even trying to find ways to find peace and calm in my life to reduce stress (which can contribute to high blood pressure and heart disease). I know these changes are necessary. I know these changes need to come now. But I'm scared that I've made a commitment to change too late. I worry that I may drop dead anyway. What a horrible thought! I guess it just really hit me how serious this all is, and it makes me want to get down to my goal weight as soon as possible. I won't let this get me down. I'll keep on working towards my goal until I reach it, because I don't want to be yet another statistic!

#49 - Stretch marks

I'll be the first to admit that stretch marks are not only the bane of fat people, but of all. Unfortunately, most of us suffer from these little dermatological horrors. We all know where stretch marks come from, the name gives it away. Your skin gets stretched beyond its limits, the collagen production is disrupted, and a scar forms. How sad. Many average Jills and Joes get stretch marks too. I think most people hear about pregnant women getting them, but even bodybuilding and puberty can cause them, anything that stretches the skin too much too fast. But I think its the stretch marks of the heavy-set that are so greatly reviled. I mean really, us fat people brought them on ourselves, right? We ate too much too fast, gained too much weight too fast, and pushed our poor bodies to the limit.

I just hate having stretch marks. I think my stretch marks made their first appearance in my teens. Oh the joys of being a self-conscious chubby teenager with stretch marks. First it started out with a few stretch marks on my belly, eventually I got a couple on my bum and my hips, over the years a few showed up on my thighs and my breasts and some more on my belly, and now they've invaded my upper arms. I'm beginning to look like some kind of road map made from skin and scars. Yuck! It kind of freaks me out to think what I'll look like when I lose all my excess weight (remember, I have another 120 pounds to lose) . I know with time, the stretch marks will fade. But still, I'll probably go through some period of looking like the elephant man or something. I can't wait though. It's true, I'd rather look like a wrinkled bag of skin than to be fat. Wouldn't you? Besides, with modern technology, one can tighten up, cinch up, sculpt and mold the body with plastic surgery. I've even heard of some fellow weight losers who actually start saving accounts for the express purpose of having tummy tucks and such once they have lost the weight. Maybe a bit too extreme for my taste. I think I'll just wait and see how wrinkled I end up. Who knows, maybe I'll be one of those lucky ones with amazing skin plasticity, that will firm up with each pound lost. One can only hope!

Want to lose weight on national TV?

I was approached about a brand new show coming this fall to a major television network from the producers of Supernanny all about losing weight. The show starts taping in April for 10 weeks. Unfortunately, I'm unable to participate because I'll be finishing up my PhD during that time, and I won't be able to get away from school. Would you be interesting in participating? Are you at least 21 with more than 50 pounds to lose? The casting department asked if I'd spread the word to look for other potential candidates. The casting is happening fast so if you're interested, contact them ASAP. Here's a little more info about the show.

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THE PRODUCERS OF SUPERNANNY ARE SEEKING OVERWEIGHT MEN & WOMEN TO SHED POUNDS AND WIN MONEY ON NEW NETWORK SHOW

The producers and casting team of the hit reality series SUPERNANNY are searching the country for men and women at least fifty pounds overweight to compete on a brand new transformational network series combining physical and mental challenges with the opportunity to win a large cash prize.

Each of the candidates chosen for the team can win tens of thousands of dollars while taking part in the biggest weight loss experience in American television history. The new show is different from any other program on TV and takes the viewer along on a journey with a select group of full-figured and heavy-set participants who triumph and achieve their personal goals while inspiring the lives of millions.

People interested in learning more about the show and want to apply for the chance to slim down and cash in should visit www.ricochettelevision.com/newprograms for more information.

Ricochet Television is based in the United Kingdom where the company is one of the leading independent production companies of high quality factual and entertainment television programming. Ricochet's international phenomenon SUPERNANNY launched the company in the United States where the company is building an innovative reputation in transformational and critically acclaimed reality based and documentary style television.

#48 - Feeling embarrassed all the time!

I hate that when I’m this fat, I’m embarrassed all the time. I’m embarrassed when I sweat more than other people. I’m embarrassed that my hair sometimes looks oily because I sweat so much. I’m embarrassed that when I exert myself even a little, I get all flushed. I’m embarrassed when people watch me eat. I’m embarrassed when my tummy makes grumbly noises as I digest. I’m embarrassed when my clothes are a little too tight and people can see how big my gut is. I’m embarrassed that my upper arms are so big. I’m embarrassed to fly in a plane because I don’t fit very well in airplane seats. I’m embarrassed when the person sitting next to me on the plane gives me that oh-my-God look as I walk down the aisle. I’m embarrassed that I get winded walking up a couple stairs. I’m embarrassed that I take up more room on the couch sitting next to people. I’m embarrassed getting weighed at the doctor’s office. I’m embarrassed when people giving me judging looks when I’m this fat. I’m just always so embarrassed! I hate that!

I try really hard to work on my self-confidence, always reminding myself that I’m great and I’m worth it! But when you’re embarrassed all the time, it really does a number on your confidence. How can I feel good about myself when I’m constantly thinking about what other people think? Hmm. How do you like that? I think I aswered my own question: stop thinking about what other people think! It takes so much effort to worry about what other people are thinking. Imagine if I focused all that energy on myself, I could reach any goal! I guess we just need to keep reminding ourselves that we are great and we are worth it and try to worry less about other people. Who cares what other people think? I don’t like the way I look at this weight, why should I expect others to accept me with open arms? We just need to realize that if we ignore the stares and the comments and the embarrassment and keep working on ourselves, eventually we’ll lose the weight and we won’t have anything to be embarrassed about anymore!