#89 - Afraid to go to high school reunions

I was talking with a friend the other day, and high school reunions were mentioned It made me think about my own lack of attendance to any of my reunions. This past summer was my 15th high school reunion, but I made absolutely NO plans to attend. I actually would love to go see people from high school, see what's become of everyone, but honestly I'm totally afraid. I still fear what those people think of me. Isn't that ridiculous? When I graduated high school I was 195 pounds, no skinny mini, but not very fat either, just pleasantly plump. But now... I am really scared to let those people see me. Sure I've lost a bunch of weight now (I'm only [haha...ONLY] 50 pounds away from my high school size), but I still don't want them to see me like I am. I guess I was hoping, like I'm sure EVERYONE does, to go back to my high school reunion with the perfect hard body, and wow them all and make the popular kids envy me.

LOL popular kids... Isn't that silly? I am 33 for God's sake and I'm still worried about what the popular kids think of me. You would think we'd out-grow all that silliness, but I guess not. I guess no matter what age we are we just want to fit in and be liked. I always wonder what made those kids the "popular" kids anyway. Was it looks? I don't think so. I was leafing through my high school alumni newspaper the other day, looking at pictures of the homecoming king and queen. The thing that was striking to me was that the "popular" kids that I saw in the pictures were not amazingly attractive or anything. Just average. In fact, some looked kind of unattractive. So good looks isn't the way to popularity. The one trait I do remember all the popular kids having was an amazing amount of confidence. It just bubbled out of them. They were people magnets, everyone wanting in on a piece of their confidence.

You know, that is what really attracts us to people and makes us want to be friends with someone. Confidence. It really can take you far. With a healthy dose of confidence we feel like we can accomplish ANYTHING! Hell, I think this time around it's confidence that has gotten me so far with my weight loss. Every time I thought I was gonna quit, I would just say to myself "you can do it!", and then I did, I stuck to it. I think for many of us this is a constant struggle, to feel confident. Low self-esteem probably made us use food as a tool to cope with life in the first place. The only way to get out of that vicious cycle of feeling bad and eating more is to reverse it - get confident. Don't feel confident? Fake it. I think if you tell yourself you are confident enough, the confidence will follow. Sometimes when I'm feeling really self-conscious, I just remind myself of something great I've done. That shuts my inner demons right up. The little voice that tells me "you suck" is replaced with the other voice that says "na uh, you rock!". We all need to give ourselves little pep talks now and again. I know I sure do!

So maybe I need to practice a bit of what I preach. I guess I need to suck it up, be confident, and in 5 years promise myself to go to my 20th high school reunion no matter what I weigh. And honestly, what do I have to fear? Some of those popular kids have probably put on a few pounds. Heck, they might even be fat now too! I can't keep hiding behind the excuse of being fat as a reason not to go to my reunions. I just have to remind myself that if I am confident, warm and friendly, people WILL like me no matter what size I am! Who knows, maybe 20 years later I'll be one of the popular kids!


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Lyn said...

I have never gone to ANY of my high school reunions. As a matter of fact, I avoid everyone I knew back then. If I see them in the store, I tuck down my head and get outta there. I hope soon that will change. But I know how you feel.

Anonymous said...

I think they might be intimidated by you. Not your size, your intelligence. I don't think people, especially our old high school peers, like feeling inferior in any way. Also, the ones who remember you as a smarty might be more confident in approaching you (never mind your being confident approaching them).


Queen B said...

I hear ya. I've got my 20th coming. Am I going? No. But I'm nowhere near my high school weight!

Robin Bayne said...

I haven't gone to any of mine either, the next one coming up will be 30 years. I just figure if anyone had wanted to keep up with me, they would have : )

Tully said...

It amazes me how what you post seems to directly correspond to my life, it is so weird.

I just got invited to my 10 year high school reunion to be held in March 2008. My first thought was "that is not enough time to get skinny!"

I am still undecided on whether to go or not, I know it'll be fun and I am sick of missing out on fun because of my weight. I am secretly hoping to lose 10 kilos between now and then...

Dr. Bob said...

This is a little off-topic, as I just found your blog. I am working my way through the archives. It is funny how the same themes crop up over and over.

Jen said...

My 10th was last summer, and even though I sighed at not being as skinny as I wanted to be, I went. I had a good time and it was good to see people. But you know what, for the most part it was kind of boring. After, the "wow, its good to see you" there wasn't much else to say. I mean its pretty hard to sum up 10 years in a couple minutes.

I just discovered your blog, its' awesome! And congrats on losing so much weight!

Anonymous said...

I'm 30 years out of high school and have never returned for any reunions. A couple reasons - one is my weight; another is that I no longer live in the vicinity so travel has been an issue.

Probably the biggest reason for me is that I really didn't enjoy high school, it truly wasn't THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE as so many people say, and I figured if I had a connection with those people, I'd have kept up with that connection over the years. Someday maybe I'll go back for one, but it's not on my list of top 100 things to do. ;o)

Thanks for the thoughts on confidence. I think you're spot on. Oh, and keep up the good work with you weight loss!


Verity said...

Isn't it scary how what the "popular kids" thought can still affect you so many years later. I know that I still feel self concious when I see some of those people - as if i'm not good enough - even though I have been to Uni and become a solicitor since school so most people would think I was pretty sucessful.

I hope that when I get to my goal weight I will feel so happy that all those confidence issues will disappear - what really scares me is that they might not!

Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

I posted earlier, but I would also like to say that my class cannot even get it together to hold a decent reunion. (Class of 1978).
The last time we had one, more than 15 years ago, it was at the local tavern. I mean, come on! We can't get past hanging out at a bar? So at least most of the posts here have real class reunions...might as well go to it.


Prickly Pear said...

My high school was a boarding school overseas, so unlike everyone in the States we had to live together 24/7. Try putting up with all that teen angst and bullcrap every day, all day.

Anyway, we got together almost two years ago after 19-20 years and it ended up that what mattered most was the special bond we shared having been ex-pats, though I was absolutely nucking futs about my weight in the months leading up to the reunion.

We're getting together again in February 2008, and I'm not nearly as nucking futs, but still a little futs about it.

I'm the cheerleader that got fat, though I was never popular.

Hayley said...

I love your discussion about confidence. Thank you, I really needed it and from now on I will be a lot more confident.
Keep posting!

Anonymous said...

Well.. I'm as thin as you can get and I still haven't got an ounce of confidence.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I did not go to the ten year or the 20 year reunion. I was NOT a popular kid and those people were mean. I do not think they have changed at all in 20 years and I have no desire to find out if they have.

But good luck with all that. You don't sound nearly as bitter as I feel.

Online Pharmacies said...

Yes, I also don't go to my school reunions because I am afraid of what other people think about my appereance.