6.19.2007

#69 - SEX!!!

OK, I just couldn't resist the opportunity to be a little punny and dedicate reason #69 to sex. For me this is one of the biggest reasons I hate being fat. Three things come to mind when I think about being fat and the idea of sex. I hate that when I'm fat sex is either a) a physical impossibility due to size limits and/or lack of stamina, b) a social improbability because no man in the Tri-State area finds me remotely attractive or c) something I wouldn't even consider because I absolutely abhor the idea of taking my clothes off in front of another human being. So all of these reasons have left me in a sexual dry spell for some time.

But now I'm currently dating someone online and we are planning to meet in person soon, so I've been thinking quite a bit about the topic of sex even more recently (hehe). I've lost almost 50 pounds now, so my body is definitely starting to shape up a bit, but don't get me wrong, I have a long way to go until I'm comfortable in my own skin and start to take on a "normal" shape. To top it off, the man I'm seeing is average sized, which, for me, adds another layer of insecurity. I dated a heavy guy last fall, and it didn't seem so bad to get naked in front of him. I mean, at least he knew what it was like, so maybe he was more accepting, I don't know. But a thin guy? Will he be as accepting? I guess I'll have to wait and see if it even comes to that. Who knows? I have no idea what will happen.

I'm trying very hard at this point to be confident and proud of who I am, stretch marks and all. I think when you are confident people see you quite differently. They see the happy, strong woman I am. I think a confident attitude can take you a long way, helping some people see past the physical. Some... I think self confidence helps you stay motivated too. If you constantly put yourself down, why would you bother working hard to help better yourself by losing weight? You wouldn't. So staying positive and confident definitely helps me to stay motivated. But I must say, the prospect of sex on the horizon has been an amazing motivator to keep me working on my weight loss. It's made me step up my exercise program a bit too. I suppose it's stupid of me to think that a few more crunches or a few more minutes on the elliptical will bring about earth shattering results in a short time, but at least it's keeping me motivated.

13 comments:

groovybabe said...

great post! very honest. i havent had sex for a while either due to the reasons outlined in the first paragraph and i have to admit a large part of my motivation comes from the desire to be sexual again, LOL.

Cherry Dolphin said...

If he is a great guy, and one you should be with, than he is going to love you and want you regardless. I am 5'6", 275 lbs and my husband is 5'10" and 135. We are the poster people for the odd couple. Just start off in the dark, and maybe go from there. My husband was very patient with me, and it was a long time before I let him "see" me. Good luck, and great post! Love to read your blog!

jodi said...

i think its normal to be concerned about 'bedroom' issues but i read something recently that said basically, "when a guy wants to be with you, he's not looking at your thighs or your stomach - women are the ones that think about it more"... so true, so true... :o)

TĂȘtue said...

A-MEN!

I wish you all the luck with your impending meeting. I hope we'll get details? ;) (Hey, I've got to live through somebody.)

Kat E said...

well, apparently you haven't been keeping me in the loop with your dating life lately...what up with that!?!? ;) I need the scoop, girl!

Cute Chunky Chick said...

What an interesting, fun, fabulous blog!

I've blogrolled you - hope that's okay :)

Denise said...

My now-husband and I met online, too, and I had so many concerns about his reaction when he saw me in person. I was actually 50 pounds thinner than I am now, which makes it all the more remarkable, and it turns out that he liked me just as I was, as I am, and even if I'm ever able to lose weight. I echo the earlier commenter who said that the right guy will like you for you, not for how your body looks naked. (Besides, a lot of guys are uncomfortable naked, too!)

Lady T said...

hopefully all will go well and you'll get that nooky (if you want it)...long as he knows you're a big girl and its not a surprise when you come face to face.....there aren't that many guys out there that love us big girls...btu when you find one....mercy! it's a beautiful thing! *wink*

Jenera Healy said...

My first serious boyfriend was about as big around as my pinky and he was super tall so we were definitely an odd couple. Some men just dig us bigger chicks. I at times didn't understand it-and still don't when it comes to my hubby. But like the others have said, if he digs ya, that's all that matters.

Megan said...

I met my husband online. I'm a big girl, he's a really skinny guy. But it doesn't matter to him. Good luck!

Ways to save money the easy way said...

:) I met my husband online. I'm really overweight. More so then you and darned if he doesn't like it. He thinks Paris Hilton is ugly! I thought at first that he was lying to me to make me feel better but he really does like it. The right guy likes you for you, not what you look like. I went out w/ so many jerks before him because I thought that I couldn't do better. :(

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Monkey Biz said...

I love your blog site! I'm a heavy girl and have been for years. I lost a substantial amount of wieght back in 07 and the Idea of mounting a guy while having playful sex seemed more do able. But sadly I was hit in a crosswalk and was laid up in bed for months recovering and gain all that wieght back that I lost and am now a heavy girl again. So sex is a lost cause until (a)married and (b)thin!