#31 - Tucking in my shirt

I haven't tucked in my shirt in over 15 years! It seems so dumb and simple a problem, but it drives me crazy. I'm always trying to hide my ever expanding stomach rolls; therefore I never tuck in my shirt. I'm always trying to find shirts that are long enough to conceal my tummy. I find myself wearing more and more matronly clothes like tunics and such, anything long enough to come to the top of my thigh.

This has been on my mind lately because Halloween is coming up, and my costume will be revealing my tummy a bit which has me freaked out. It's Halloween, right? We're not supposed to look like our normal selves, but why is it so hard for me to expose my tummy? And it's not like I'm wearing some midriff revealing costume. I'm going as a hanged Salem witch. Imagine a Colonial witch, freshly dead from the hangman's noose. I have a Renaissance-esque costume consisting of several skirts and a figure-hugging, laced up bodice. This still has me a bit weirded out. This type of costume is not very large-lady figure friendly; it really accentuates my hips. Maybe everyone will focus on my broad hips and not even notice my tummy... Just kidding, I'm not that paranoid. I usually make quite an effort to look nice, i.e. hide my figure flaws, therefore accentuating said flaws make me a bit nervous. I'm supposed to enjoy Halloween and not worry about my curves! I should embrace my curves, show them off, and enjoy the event, tummy and all! Actually my costume this year, with the laced-up bodice, will make my tits look HUGE! That will probably distract everyone, girls included. I'm sure I have nothing to worry about. I'm sure people will notice the noose around my neck, the scary makeup, my witch paraphernalia, my huge boobs and such, that they probably won't be thinking, "look at her fat stomach".

Anyway, back to the topic - tucked in shirts. I really would like to get back to a size where tucking in my shirt actually looks good. Wearing ones shirt always tucked out tends to look a bit sloppy. I try to look nice and neat, and tucking in my shirt would be nice. I know, I could tuck in my shirt now if I wanted to, but it REALLY wouldn't look good. You know? Again, I'm sure this issue plagues many women, fat and thin alike, but still it's an issue worth mentioning. Yet another reason to add to the list of why I hate being fat!

#30 - Having half a dozen sizes in my closet

I know it sounds weird for a girl to say it, but I hate that I have so many clothes! The problem is not really the amount of clothes I own, but rather the number of different sizes I have. I seem to have an entire wardrobe based on how fat or thin I'm feeling or looking. I know, I know, every girl has this dilemma. I mean, who doesn't own a couple pairs of "fat jeans" and "skinny jeans"? My problem goes well beyond this, though. Right now in my closet I have sizes as small as 18 (I tossed the really skinny stuff ages ago - I mean, who was I kidding keeping size 14s around?) and as large as 28. And of course, I go through purging phases, where I clean out my closet of clothes that don't fit. I think I've thrown out entire wardrobes worth of clothes after I'd lost weight, only to re-purchase those very sizes again once I put the weight back on. What a waste! You know how it is. You lose weight, you're proud, you vow never to be that heavy again, you get lazy, your diet fails, you gain weight, and then you're back at the original size. I've managed to lose 20 pounds over the past month or so, and some of my clothes are getting loose. This time I vowed NOT to throw out all my ill fitting clothes. A few months ago I had boxed up my "skinny" clothes (sizes 18-22), in an attempt to protect my pocketbook. I'm glad I did this. I knew I would lose weight again and would need those smaller sizes soon enough. And this time, I won't throw out my "fat" clothes either. I'll save them in the unfortunate event that I gain the weight back or purely for a reminder of the size I never want to be again.