#12 - Being reminded that I'm fat

I'm totally one of those fat chicks that is blissfully unaware of my obesity most of the time. I think I have body-dimorphic-syndrome, but in reverse. Most thin girls with this disorder think they are quite fat. I, on the other hand, am fat, but think I am quite thin! Most of the time I feel like I'm around 190-200 (overweight, but not by much), when in reality I'm pushing 300.

I got an awful reminder of how fat I really am. I had an abdominal CAT scan done a couple weeks ago (for an ongoing condition I've been dealing with). I requested a copy of the CAT scan, because as a scientist I am quite curious and like to see the pretty pictures for myself. I was mortified when I saw the scan. I must have a 4-5" fat layer around my body! It looks like I have a little 150 pound person hidden within!

If I ever needed more motivation to lose weight, that was it!!! I really hate being fat. I guess my reverse body-dimorphic-syndrome is my way of coping (denial) with my state. This year I REALLY want to make an effort to reduce my body fat. I don't need to be 'thin' just healthier! It's little reminders like this that help me make the decision to try!

I've been pretty sick for the past year, so weight loss has been low on my list of priorities. I'm due to have surgery in the next few weeks, which should improve my situation. After I heal, I will really make the effort to lose weight.