#6 - Fat Clothes

Who decided that plus-sized clothes has to be bold or neon colors, with some kind of animal, flower, sequins or other form of 'bedazzling' right on the front? Most fat clothes are like targets that say 'hey look at me, I'm fat!'. I have to give some of the fat shops credit, they are trying. Lane Bryant has some decent clothes, but I usually have to wade through the crap to find it. Fat clothes are also really expensive. I get it that it takes more material to make plus-sizes, but it's not enough to make a sail or anything. Pretty much every piece of fat clothing I've bought cost $50+. When you're fat you usually wear a few sizes - you know, today I'm swollen and must wear a 26, today I feel thin and can pull off a 22, etc. Because of this I have a closet full of clothes that fit sometime. It makes for a very expensive wardrobe! Anyway, it's not the cost so much as the look of plus-sized clothes that pisses me off. Yuck! I don't want to wear a moo-moo!

Yesterday was an awful day. I couldn't stop eating! I now used up all of my flex points for the week. I'm sure I'll go over my points this week, I usually need about 2 or 3 extra points each day. Oh well, I'm still off to a good week with two workouts under my belt already. I haven't been eating my earned activity points, so I always have those as needed.

#5 - Being judged on looks alone

I hate that fat people are assumed to be lazy, underachieving people. I'm a PhD graduate student at an Ivy league university, does that sound like a person who's lazy and underachieving? I always strive for the best in myself in my academic and professional career. I've worked hard, and my work has paid off. The only aspect of my life where I appear to be underachieving is my weight. I've struggled with weight since mid high school - this doesn't make me a slacker. But I hate that in the future I will be judged for job positions not only on my merits but also on my appearance (overweight people are much less likely to be hired). You know the adage 'Don't judge a book by its cover', does anyone follow this anymore? In our Hollywood-obsessed culture, thin is in! We've all (myself included) been brainwashed into believing that what's on the outside IS a reflection of the inside. That must make Jessica Simpson one of the hardest working, nicest people in America (not!). I wish I was on a level playing field with everyone else. Until I get to a more normal weight, I will have to struggle with the stereotypes.

Well on a much happier note - my first week on Weight Watchers has gone great. I stuck to the program pretty well (a few cheats though), and ended up losing 5.4 pounds this week. Yeah me! I think working out has really helped a lot. I worked out with DDR 4 times this past week. This week is starting off well too - I didn't spend all my flex points over the weekend either! And I managed to work out both Sat and Sun! I hate to say it, but I really hope (and almost expect) to lose another 5 pounds this week. I'll try not to be disappointed if I lose less. It's just that once you really decide to work at losing weight, you really want it NOW! I'm so impatient. I know I have about 140+ pounds to lose, and this will take time. How's about two months - j/k. OK, I know that's not enough time. But I hope to keep consistently losing until I get to goal.

#4 - Airplanes

I barely fit into airplane seats. I have to have the window seat and lean over the entire flight to avoid encroaching on my neighbors space. The last time I took a flight at this weight the seat-belt didn't fit. I pretended to latch it, but instead just hid the belt under my stomach. How embarrassing!

Yesterday was so great. I stayed on plan, was going to stay in my points range, eventhough I went out for dinner with friends. But then it happened. In my picture perfect day, I was eating my sushi at dinner, which I had allotted for, and my friends insisted we go to Cold Stone Creamery afterwards. Yug! How could I resist? I thought, 'oh, I'll just go and not get anything'. Not! Of course, I ended up caving in and getting some ice cream. I tried to keep it reasonable, so I got the smallest size. I felt pretty satisfied with myself, a little guilty, but not too bad. We'll see how it all plays out at weigh-in this morning!

#3 - I can't cross my legs

Yeah, I can't cross my legs like a normal girl. I can only cross my legs at the ankle. I would like to be able to wear a dress or skirt and sit lady-like, but no I'm too fat to cross my legs! My mom and I were taking our measurements this weekend. I couldn't believe that my thighs were 33" around at the top! That's the size of many women's waists. Yuck! I just refuse to be this fat anymore.

On another topic, I found an interesting new exercise option that I might try. It's a workout you download to your iPod - GYMp3. It has music and a personal trainer telling you what to do. This may be the only way for me to afford a trainer. It's done by Greg Isaacs, personal trainer to Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and the cast of friends. It's only $11.99 for the download, it might be worth a look.

#2 - Being TOTALLY out of shape

I really hate being so out of shape at this weight. I think it's not so much my muscular or cardiovascular fitness, rather it's the enormous amount of excess weight I carry. Realistically I have about 120-140 pounds to lose (WW says I need to lose 149!). Imagine carrying a backpack that weighed that much! OMG, can you say heavy! I think that's why I get so winded so fast. I think I'm actually in relatively decent shape. I mean I'm almost 300 pounds and I can still use Dance Dance Revolution for 20-30 minutes at a time. Granted, this is not amazing fitness, but I don't think I'll die from poor cardiac health right now. But I'd really like to improve my fitness anyway. I'd like to be able to walk or run up a flight of stairs without getting totally winded. I'm not out to run marathons either, though. I just want to get rid of this weight and improve my health. I've been told by doctors that I'm amazing healthly for being at this weight, but that eventually it WILL catch up with me. I even been given figures like the average person my size shaves anywhere from 15-20 years off their life, usually due to weight related complications like heart disease, diabetes, stroke, etc. So I guess I've kind of lumped fitness with health, but the two do go hand in hand. My goal is to initially try to workout an often as I can with the ultimate goal of exercising everyday for about 30min. It's not an impossible goal, but being a career couch potato it's a lot.

#1 - Nothing Fits!

I really mean nothing, not even my fat clothes! At my highest weight (Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - 297), I can barely fit into my fattest fat pants. I bought some new pants about a month ago (stretchy versions of my fattest size - 24's) that fit great. But now even those don't fit. I'm sick of always reaching for the largest sizes in stores. But now it's hard to even get the largest sizes to fit! I put on a size 26/28 shirt the other day and it was too tight!!! OMG! Something must be done about this!

This weekend I started Weight Watchers again in an attempt to try to lose again. That's the wrong attitude, let me try again. I joined Weight Watchers again this past weekend in order to lose weight (not an attempt, I will lose weight). Things are going pretty good so far. Stayed on plan for the past four days. Yesterday was a bit of a challenge. My mom took me to a Chinese buffet restaurant. Yikes the number of Points scares me. Anyway, we were both very restrained and managed to only consume about 12 Points each. Not bad for General Tso's chicken!

I've managed to start working out again. It's been easier this time because I got Dance Dance Revolution. I can dance on that thing for 20-30 minutes a day, and it doesn't even feel like a workout. I really build up a sweat. I usually have to stop, not from exhaustion, but from the leg pains. I'm pretty heavy so all that banging around is pretty hard on the legs.

Thought I'd add some before and hopeful after pics. This first one was taken about 3 years ago, but I'm at the same weight as now. The other, skinnier one is my dream goal picture taken of me when I was a junior in high school. To be young and thin again!

Before (size 24/26):











After (size 10/12):