Isn't that crazy talk? I know it is. But still, every time I get into an elevator my eyes wander to the designated weight limit just to check. And if the elevator is full? Well, then my brain really gets calculating, as I try to determine the total weight of the occupants in relation to the weight limit. I dread the day the alarm goes off in an elevator, alerting everyone that the carriage is over capacity. And I'm sure all eyes will turn to me as the culprit. I never used to think about stuff like this, and I'm sure most normal sized people don't have thoughts of over-weighted elevators. It's so stupid, I know. I just can't help it. As a fat chick I'm always sizing up myself in relation to my surroundings. Will I fit into that booth? Can I squeeze by that person seated at a restaurant without ramming into them? Should I bother trying to shimmy past people seated in a movie theater, or should I just go around to the far side of the theater as to not disturb them? Will I fit through the turnstile to get on the subway? Aren't these dumb thoughts? I hate that I keep sizing myself up in pretty much every situation! It's a constant reminder that I'm fat. Just when my self-esteem seems rock solid, I make some little mental calculation that sends me spiraling into bad thoughts about my fat ass. Argh! It's frustrating.
Well Christmas time is nearing again. Every year I make up holiday cookies to pass out to co-workers. It's VERY hard to watch what you're eating when you are surrounded with sugar cookies! I probably should have broke tradition this year and skipped the annual sugar fest. But I'm a traditional kind of gal, and I didn't want to disappoint my friends. There I go again, always trying to please everyone! Anyway, I work with a bunch of foreigners, so it makes me feel special to share a little holiday cheer with people that don't make it home for the holidays. So I guess it means I make my cookies and ATTEMPT to have some self control. Ugh, that's tough! It's 9:30 in the morning, and I've already had a couple cookies! My new mantra: self control, self control, self control. Maybe I need to think of all those elevators every time I reach for another cookie.
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3 comments:
This is too freakin' funny. I work in one of Atlanta's tallest buildings on the 44th floor. Every time I step on the elevator, it drops about an inch. THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE. Every time it happens I think, "Move over people! Shamu has arrived!" I wonder if everyone else notices the drop...
you're not the only one who suffers from this...I keep having to think self control when it comes to sugar. Sugar is my trigger food, which seriously stinks as it just gets converted into fat after i eat it :/
btw..my bmi is healthy/average and this self control issue has depressed me (seriously) for most of my life. I can eat sleeves of cookies, slices of cake, and scoops of ice cream...
and i hate it :(
but it's getting loads better..i'm working on it :)
Heey!! The thoughts about the weight are not so crazy. I got caught in an elevator for too much weight last year! And nobody was orverweight, except that there were 3 or 4 rugby players that weight more... Because they are socially accepted, it didn' had that connotation... but everytime I go into an elevator now, I warn myself about that! That time the rugby players were there, but if the wouldn't, I know that the eyes would have looked to me!! Well, before, because I use to be very overweight but not anymore.
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