#24 - Ashamed to go to the gym
So as a fat person, I clearly don't work out enough. And clearly, I would lose weight if I worked out more. Many people are just lazy and don't want to work out, and that's partly why they're fat. OK, OK, reality check, "many people"...me included! So I know that I should work out more to better my health. What get's me is that when I actually get past the lazy part of not working out, and actually attempt to go to gym, something else stops me: I'm totally ashamed to go to the gym at this weight. I just hate the looks I get. Like, "who the hell are you fatso, sweatin' up our gym," or "I think the Dunkin' Donuts is down the block tubby." I've actually gotten past all of this redicule (both perceived and make-believe) and gone to the gym and work out anyway. But usually it takes just one or two stares to send me running for the door. Most of the time I'm sure my fellow gym mates are innocently looking my way when I perceive it as some personal attack. But there was that one time... I was working out at the gym at Yale. OK, right there it sets the stage for elitist assholes frequenting the joint, just keep that in your mind. Anyway, I was minding my own business, trotting along on the eliptical rider, when this woman on a nearby machine looks over to me. Now she didn't merely look, she sized me up. She looked me up and down and up and down again. I couldn't believe how much she was staring, so of course to attempt to avert her gaze, I made eye contact with her. When someone makes eye contact with you, don't you normally look away, embarrassed that you were caught staring? No, not this woman. She continued to stare. So I don't know this lady's story, maybe she was a struggling anorexic looking to me for inspiration, or maybe she thinking how much I looked like her mother or something. But I what I got from here stare was, "damn, you are so fat!" Clearly much of this is in my head. I need to realize that losing weight is one of the reasons people go to the gym in first place. Maybe most people only need to lose 10 or 20 pounds when I need to lose 120, but still, it should be a place for all people to feel comfortable to work out, lose weight and get healthy. I can't change the opinions of those anorexic bitches that glare with hatred, but I can learn to let it roll off my back and push past the uncomfortable feelings I get. So once again, I hate feeling ashamed to go to the gym when I'm this fat!