6.08.2006

#18 - Feeling Self-conscious

When I was thinner I never worried incessantly about how I looked - I looked good, and I knew it. I hate that now I'm always thinking, "Do I look fat in this?", "I should stand up straighter so I don't look as fat.", "Does my hair look bad, does it make me look fat?". This list of worries goes on, and on. The fatter I am, the more I'm self-conscious. You'd think that I realize it's the fat that makes me feel this way, and that I would correct my obesity. But no, I just worry, worry, worry instead. I remember being in high school, being 145 pounds, having guys constantly flirt with me, feeling very confident, and having very little concern about how I looked. I really want to get back to those days (though I fear I will never weigh 145 again). I would just like to get up someday and put on an outfit without worrying if I look too fat in it.

My journaling and calorie counting is going pretty good. I managed to stay pretty close to the calorie range I'd like to be eating. I'm a little frustrated though. I've been REALLY good for the past three days with no weight loss. I know, I know. I must be patient. I didn't gain this weigh overnight, so it will take a while to lose it. It's just that I lost 3.5 pounds as soon as I started and then stopped losing all of the sudden. Granted I've only been journaling for 7 days, and a 3.5 weight loss in 7 days is phenomenal! I'm just totally impatient!!!

2 comments:

weightlossbookintheworks said...

hmmm... it sounds like as you've gotten larger, your self-esteem has taken a hit. You do know that you can flirt and have fun no matter what you weigh, right?

Your situation sounds so much like what I've been through, and still am going through. I lost 80 pounds a number of years ago, but due to numerous factors, gained it back and more. I'm currently writing a book on how to lose weight, but more importantly, how to find yourself again and be happy. If you'd like, check out my blog sometime and it'll have information on how to get it when it's published. (Just joined, so it may be a few days.) It might be a self-published ebook if no-one picks it up soon.

Always be good to yourself and remember that you're special, no matter your size.

Anonymous said...

Hello!

Im a 15 year old overweight girl and I totally agree with you! I feel fat in everything I wear, and never want to go out because of it. Its so depressing :(

xx