5.23.2006

#14 - Dating









Dating propects are not so good for the ample proportioned. I hate the double-standard though. Fat girls never seem to get the guy, but fat guys always seem to find someone to date. I hate this! I've seen really ugly and/or fat guys with cute skinny girls. What gives? You never see a fat chick with a hot stud! And the thing is you'd expect fat guys to be attracted to fat girls - not so! Fat guys seem extra appalled by fat girls - maybe a reminder of their own obesity.

I haven't dated in a LONG time. I won't even go into specifics. I'll only say that I actually can't recall the details of the last time I got laid. How sad! Don't get me wrong - I've had offers, only they were from very scary and/or disgusting men! I still have standards. My last boyfriend was model beautiful, so my Mr. Right has very large shoes to fill!

I've heard of these bars called Goddess Bars, where heavy girls can meet men who are interested in fat girls. I'm reluctant though, I don't plan on being heavy forever, and I'm a little scared of these chubby chasers. It sounds kind of fetishistic. But I guess it'd be a way to get back on the horse, so to speak.

Alternatively, I can just lose weight, and find my Mr. Right. You know, I really want to find a man that doesn't care about weight, etc., but finding a man period is impossible when you're fat. It's like I have to lose weight to find a guy, and then determine if he's open to larger women. What a weird mess!

16 comments:

waller123 said...

you are so right im not huge but im chunky and i like this guy that is bald and fat but he now has a skinny pretty girlfriend you are so right about not cute guys

waller123 said...

i so agree im chunky and cant find a guy yet i like a guy whos chunky and not that cute its a double

Carrie said...

My last two relationships were with guys who likes big girls. One absolutely loves us, and the other just had no problem with it at all. At some point, the preference of it makes me think that if I were thin, they wouldn't date me cause they may be worried about me cheating on them.

marge said...

hey hun im so happy i found your blog, i found ir yesterday but was really busy so i added it to my favorites...
Im something between a size 12 and a size 14 and i have never had a date... and this thing you're saying is soooo true cause the crushes I've had they havent been like more atractive than me or anything but they end up with really "hot" girls. I'm starting to become someone whoe doesn't even have crushes anymore

Anonymous said...

Here’s my take on it:

You’ll never get a date as a fat girl! I haven’t. Why even bother to imagine if you’ll actually find love (someone who loves you for who you are syndrome). You’re not, I’m not! It’s not gonna happen, ever period! It’s because as fat woman, we have to face the fact that we’ve had the dubious honor or NIGHTMARE of having that ugly part of male humanity which insists that any woman he’s with, satisfy his visceral need for beauty before he can even consider being with her. We’ve seen what men really value in a woman. I can’t tell you how many of my svelte friends have absolutely no idea, that the man they’re with, is with them about 85% of the way, just because of the way they look and believe me, nobody wants to think about it.

I have finally come a conclusion and it’s seriously provided me with some solace. Even if you get the man you want (meaning you had lost the weight) and someone had noticed you …. Blah blah blah .. flash forward .. then you’re with him…even then … you know .. you have to know, as you’ve lived through it.. you’re now in the position of so many of your svelte friends, of having someone who truly values you 85%+ of the way based solely on how you look. It doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy and oh so happy to be thin.. BUT.. and this is the clincher girls! .. it does make me say…if this is the system .. then so be it!… I have to loose the weight for health reasons ..but mark my words, I’m taking this “bleeping” system, this male visceral proclamation and finding someone. I’ll always know they don’t love me for me but mostly because of the way I look, but “#$#$%^&” so what.. I don’t love them ..I just love their money… and I sure as hell will love the life I can live with their economic resources. As one of my college roommates always said…”Money won’t buy you love but it sure does by you a hell of a lot of fun.” My svelte friends are living large. So should I!

Anonymous said...

I say this as a slightly larger than average young man who is dating a large girl (I'd say she is size 18-20 at least?).

Girls need to forget this "I want to find a man who doesn't love me for my body." or "I want a guy who doesn't care about weight."

There is no logic there. Either the guy cares about weight and wants you to lose some or he cares about weight and is a chubby chaser. I am unashamed to admit I am in the former category. But I wouldn't be with my current girlfriend if I didn't like her for non-physical reasons (well, she is beautiful).

What you have to be is practical. There might be plenty of guys out there who will love you for what is on the inside, but you'll never know because your body keeps them from ever discovering who you are. That isn't their fault, it is yours. The body is just one part of the equation but it still matters.

Anonymous said...

I certainly know men and women are measured on different standards. However, I also see the side where women who contact me on dating sites have a very mistaken self perception. I am normal a normal sized male and get contacted by plus size women frequently. I don't know why they think I would be interested in them, but they seem to think we are equivalent. I know women who get contacted by 62 year old grandfathers or overweight men, but it is not only a feature of men to try to hit on people they are not equivelant to. Heavy people should date each other as they have similar lifestyles. So women, go after the heavy guys and vice versa.

Amanda said...

I couldn't agree more with this blog! I don't understand how some fat/ugly men have good looking girlfriends. I mean what the hell?! The weird part is it doesn't work vice versa. You won't see a fat girl with a gorgeous guy. Pretty weird huh?

Manda
xx

Anonymous said...

This is a very complicated problem, that is for sure. As men, we are told by the media and our friends that the physical quality and quantity of woman that we attract determines our worth. It can be hard to ignore that message. I just want to find someone who is average in attractivness who will love me back. I know I could find that love if I wasn't as picky, but my second brain and pride protests. Generally men like skinnier girls better, which is strange if you think about it since "overwieght" woman use to be worshiped in ancient times.

Ugh, maybe im just another brain washed sheep.

Anonymous said...

Ok, old post but fell on it on a google search. So here is my present situation. I have not trouble finding a lover IF I want one...even really hot muscle bound 6 pack guys....and I am overweight by about 80 pds . I'll never hear from them again though. So its like an ego boost with a knife you in the self-esteem all in one.

Anyways, I had my first date with a guy last night and he is fat. I have never been attracted to fat guy....but I am fat. So I feel pretty stupid and shallow for having trouble giving this guy a chance since we are in the same boat. He seemed to really want to date me...of course who knows even fat guys can follow superfical whims.

So I am really gonna try hard to follow things through with him and give him a fare chanceƩ TBC...

Luis Ojeda said...

I met my girlfriend she weighed about 150lbs she was really curvy. We had a baby about 7 yrs ago and she gained over a hundred pounds.
I"m a fitness trainer and we have had a beautiful relationship for almost nine years. The main thing that keeps me attracted to her is her CONFIDENCE, she is sure of her self. My message to all the fatter women is to have confidence in yourself

Melissa said...

You are quite the hypocrite.

You criticize guys for not wanting to date fat girls, yet you won't date men you find disgusting.

Pot, meet kettle...

Han-Mei said...

Wahh! I hope you succeed! I am excited for you! I also want to share with everyone some things I've witnessed and experienced... they're encouraging and happy news =)

1. My weight varies a lot depending on my activity levels. In a single year I can go from a size 3 to a size 11 plus plus... then I start buying/wearing elastic skirts and my dad's T-shirts; so I don't know how big I actually get =). When I am thin, I like to go clubbing and torture shallow men, and when I am bigger, I like to read and eat a lot =). No matter what my weight has been or how big I've gotten, I've always had an arsenal of men falling all over me.

2. I also have large friends who are girls and when we go clubbing together, they often get the really hot guys (6-pack and all). These girls are 200 to 300 easy and they are confident, intelligent, and witty. The guys may not necessarily approach them, but once they start talking, it's all over. Same with a rather large male friend of mine. He can pretty much get anyone he talks to. Impressive.

3. When I used to maintain a smaller waistline regularly I used to worry that people didn't love me for me. I wanted to know what it felt like to be unattractive. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not even that pretty to begin with.) I shaved off my hair, started wearing bland clothes, and just didn't worry about the food I ate or my weight at all. Well, my boyfriend at the time still loved me dearly and I still had men falling all over me. I had a tougher time getting what I want and making unreasonable demands, but I still had good men appreciate me. Most of my friends didn't react one bit to my physical change. I stopped talking to my shallow and superficial "friends" and was glad to be rid of them. I also got to experience what it was like to know that everyone who took the time to get to know me when I was unattractive, really meant to get to know me and valued me. That felt great.

4. I am bisexual and I am attracted to personality. I have crushed hard on large girls and anorexic-looking ones. Both physiques can be really, really sexy.

Moral of the story is that looks are certainly not everything. Don't get me wrong, looks will help you make unreasonable demands and enable you to toy with people, but they also come at a cost of you never knowing who likes you for you and expensive make-up, clothes, shoes, etc.

The only reason you should lose weight is because you want to; it should not be because you want to impress some shallow, superficial man. You really don't want to date that anyways. Focus on you: what you want in life and what you want to do. The less you care, the more men fall all over you... and often the good ones too. I would know, that's been the story of my life so far.

Good luck! Love yourself. Do it for you. Whoever "needs" you to be thin to love you can go to hell. =)

Cheers

Chelsea Clark said...

its amazing the content you find on online dating sites…here, you can find others who are bigger too.. I found my husband now on a dating site and we were both chunky... now, we have gone on a diet and weight loss program and we both have helped eachother look better than we did in highschool!!!

your site is great...thank for helping people like me

TheRelationshipcompany.com said...

Good article keep posting this type of articles..............

Jonathan P. Weber said...

"I'll only say that I actually can't recall the details of the last time I got laid"

I'm a guy who has been considered handsome by many girls, and I'm still a virgin. Think about that one.

Even as a larger girl and consider yourself low on the recieving compliments, being approached scale, you are likely approach more than the vast majority of guys, complimented more than them, and -if it matters- laid more.

As a larger girl, it probably just puts you in the position of having to make the move yourself, which you're in luck. It's easier to make a move on a guy than the other way around with the mass of political-correctness demonizing men's approaches.

Get yourself out there and known. If you've gotten that far before, you can likely do it again. But having standards like "my next guy better have everything the previous guy plus some" isn't gonna get you there.